Monday, November 15, 2010

Stop Spying

I find it interesting that when I was a compromising and forgiving woman, unsolicited advice about "How Not to be a Doormat" was handed out: "Girl, don't let that man walk all over you", or "A man will only do what you allow", these phrases and many more were screamed to the top of the "bitter woman hill" by so many people. "Cheerleaders" as I like to call them, had advice for just about everything. "Girl please, you are a good one" or my favorite "I wish I would....". You wish you would what? I always wanted to ask, but didn't, because I knew I would get the "sista girl neck roll" followed by a bunch of bull-ish.

Now the role is reversed many of these same women are either miserably married, or desperately seeking the acceptance of a man to make her his "wifey". I laugh now because the mistakes I made in my 20s I watch as people my age and older make and then some. Since I don't have the patience nor the time to raise a grown man, to be just that "A grown man" I cut those issues short. Now my forgiveness is earned and compromise goes both ways. But I find the advice I hear in discussion with my female counterpart is "well at least he is trying", or "most men wouldn't even bother". Oh really? Is that right? How is that your neck stopped rolling when you "fell in love" with "less than Mr.Perfect"?

The difference isn't that their man is any better or necessarily worse than the ones from the past, it's just that now they've suddenly fallen off the high horse and can't follow their own advice. Sometimes advice given isn't even worth tuning in. People secretly whisper and spy in on your life anticipating how they would act in every given situation. However, when they are no longer watching and have the starring role it suddenly becomes different. Women for some reason feel the need to play devils advocate on everyone's life but their own. The truth is, you never know how you will act in a situation until you are placed in that situation. I am sure some will argue that point because we all know our limits. But we also know there can be a thin line on compromise and when that line is crossed or even stepped on, our decision making can sometimes be swayed, especially if it is something or someone you truly desire.

Good thing for me, I have always been my own woman. I don't listen to what others have to say about people. I make my own judgments and follow my own mind. If you have people judging you or your lifestyle it may be time to step back and see how many eyes are spying on you. A watchful eye is usually beheld by someone or something plotting it's next move. Don't let people change the person that you are, if you are happy when you look in the mirror. Some people are better left playing "inspector gadget" or "secret agent" in their own lives and not others.

Get what I'm saying?


Anonymous said...

I am only 21 and I agree with your perspective...I cant be listening to what others have to say especially when I know that they might not take their own advice if they were in my shoes. I learned my lesson the hard way but the most important is that I

Barbara said...


Danielle said...

I feel what you are saying I just recently got a divorce because I refused to put up with his crap. He felt that just because he put the ring on my finger he could just do or way what he wanted. I was real quick to tell him that I am not a desperate woman and my world doesnt revolve around being married and I told him pack up his stuff and get out of my house. And I said my house since I pay for it and then that was that. He is the one trying to get me back not the other way around. Men do need to grow up but I am not the one to raising them either.

Danielle from
The Mommy Chronicles

Janelle said...

@Danielle, more power to you! It amazes me how men think that because they do one thing right (marry you, take care of their kids, work, etc.) that it gives them the permission to be jerks. It's not okay, and women have to stand up for that. If it hurts, it can't be good for you. I think sometimes we are so accustomed to seeing men do wrong in society, that when one isn't half bad we over praise him. Just because a man is doing what he is "supposed to" do as a man doesn't mean as a woman I have to close my eyes to the negative things and sit and be grateful. I'd rather have "no" man, than have a "no good" man.

Male readers I'm not coming down on all men. I am simply saying that women have to stop allowing things to slide just for the sake of keeping her man. There are some great guys out there and if you are a great man, you wouldm't want a desperate woman anyway!

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