Saturday, January 8, 2011

1st 2011 Food For Thought-"Single Parents Take a Bow"

Happy 2011 Beauties,

If you are a single mom, then you know the obstacles of dating in 2011 can be challenging. I think it becomes even more challenging when you are a mom that "has it going on", intelligent, goal oriented (for yourself and child), focused, and well adjusted in your life. I think people tend to equate being a single parent to having a miserable life and for so many of us single moms and dads that just isn't the case. We don't all sit around collecting welfare and waiting to birth the next baby. Life is what it is and we are single for various reasons and we don't need to apologize or explain.

I remember having a conversation with a "non-single" parent about college. Her eyebrows raised when she found out that I'd graduated from a good University and soon will graduate from another. She says, "wow I got a smarty around me". She knew I had my bachelors degree prior to the conversation, so her look of surprise when she found out I didn't graduate from "Bubblegum University", was annoying. What? Excise me? Did she think I was swinging on a pole at night, still trying to learn my ABCs? I found it a little insulting for a moment, and then I waddled in her ignorance and left it at that. Somehow during her entire thirty-something "free" life, she hadn't managed to even get a certification in anything. Now she is sitting discussing with me how she is too tired in the evenings to take night classes. How she enrolls each semesters, but drops because "its just too much". Seriously?? I realize that college may not be for everyone, but this is just one of those things that get under my skin. People expect the worse of a single parent, when all the while each person's situation is different. I know some psycho, lazy, over indulgent single women, but a man would be willing to tolerate her "witch" attitude than to date a great honest woman with a child.

In dating people expect single moms to except anything and just be grateful someone decided to "tolerate us and our baggage". Limiting or be expected to lower your expectations as a single mom is not fair. I want a loving, loyal, hardworking, and focused man just like the next woman. I don't want to date someone simply because the man doesn't have kids,  yet he hasn't had a job in years (current economy excused), has no goals, doesn't finish what he starts, and still hangs out.

So my thought for 2011 is simple, "We all carry issues, but some of us do a better job at playing the obstacle course of life". Just because a person has a child does not mean your life is better theirs. If you open your closed mind thinking and takes notes, you may just learn a thing or two from a single parent.

Our lives are not unhappy, its just a "secret society" over here that some people will never understand. Elevated, positive single parents have something going for them that is unknown to the rest of the world, and if you never drop your stereotyping, you'll forever miss out on some warm people. So to all my single parents doing it right, take a bow and pat yourself on the back in 2011, you deserve it. Don't allow someone else to grade your circumstance, flip the script and starting giving them a few F's in some areas.


Barbara said...

You've just said it all!

Janelle said...

Yep Barbara we have to take a stand against this nonsense.

Alicia@ Mommy Delicious said...

You better PREACH! Best believe, a rose is still a rose. Single moms are single for a reason, and being a single mom doesn't equal welfare and multiple baby daddies. It just doesn't. I wear my badge proudly. PROUDLY, baby! Because I know where I've been, and I know where I'm going. Period. SIngle mamas, PLEASE stand up!

Janelle said...

@Alicia, you said it best, we wear our badge proudly. I do a wonderful job at raising my child and it is always a blessing when teachers, other adults, strangers, etc. say what a great job I am doing. Being a single mom means we choose to take responsibility. It means we choose everyday to put a little life before our own I'm a PROUD mama.

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