Trying to erase your past doesn't take away the pain or the mistakes. Many times trying to erase the past only leaves holes, scars, and fragments of memories of what put you there in the first place. I started writing this as a Food for Thought during my lunch hour earlier today and then stopped and decided I would come back to it a little later. Well my Pandora was pumping out some jams during the day and "Faded Pictures" by Case and Joe started to play through my computer speakers. The song took me way back. That song was back during a time when I was going through some very difficult times. There is one part in the song that always would get me....
"As she turned through the pages, the tears rolled down her face, I could see her reminiscing, why her life have to be this way, As she stopped and she came to a page where her diary ends To smell the scent of an old rose, from her lover I suppose"
It's funny how during those hard times you think you can't make it through, everything seems devastating and some situations seem like you can't escape. It almost feels like you are being punished for a crime you never committed. During this time of my life I was the most innocent, giving, loving, and caring, person anyone could ever meet and I just couldn't understand how my life seemed to be surrounded by hatred. Despite my smile I was hurting so deeply, but I held it all in.
As time progressed I grew stronger and more resilent. But it was still hard to look at the past, because I knew how painful it was. Despite it all, I never once cut up photographs or cut people out of pictures. Instead I put them away. As recent as last week I was going through pictures and I came across a few that made me smile again. I thought I looked so beautiful, even remembering what I was going through at that time, I still felt so good looking at the old pictures. When I say those were rough times, they were rough times. Looking back on it, I think what made it so bad is that I never shared my pain with anyone. I kept everything inside and managed to deal with my trouble on my own and at my own pace. i don't recomment that to anyone, especially not my younger readers. If you are going through something that you don't feel comfortable talking to your friends about, at the least find a trusted adult to share your troubles. I know that if I would have shared my troubles, someone would have been able to help me.
They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Looking at my picture the only word and outsider would have thought would have been "happy".
I think as we learn from our past and stop trying to erase what has happened, we grow and its no longer painful, it's just YESTERDAY! So when I heard the song today, the main lyrics that stood out to me were
"Faded pictures in a broken glass, Like a mirror revealing, What the woman is feeling"
As people we all have things we hold on to, but the past is definitely one of those things that can hinder our future if we don't let go of the hurt and anger that may linger with it. Look in your mirror and see what it reveals or is there some broken glass you want gone? If it still hurts reach out. If you don't have anyone to talk to, you are more than welcome to email me firstname.lastname@example.org