Thursday, October 6, 2011

Let's Last Forever

The documentary was excellent, it showcased black love and black marriages from a positive prospective. I saw this movie last year at a discussion group and a question was raised. "What comes first, love or marriage?" At the time I was one of about three single people in the room. Most people there were married, so I listened closely. I learned a lot that night and even more with the year to come. Many couples in the room spoke highly to the fact that the marriage came before the love. Couples married for decades and newlyweds all agreed and shared stories of how the marriage had to come first or there was no survival for the relationship because overtime love changes.

I've recently been thinking alot about the changes relationships go through. Withstanding the test of time. financial burdens, infidelities, miscarriages, infertilites, illnesses, deaths, and so many other obstacles. I think that the same way as God has to send your partner for marriage, you have to be prepared to be married.

I am old fashioned when it comes to love, I always have been. I've been told I was made to be a wife, but yet I am not married, reason is because it is not my time yet. I never dreamed about a wedding day or planned it in my head like most little girls, it just wasn't my thing to do. As hard as I love, I've only been in love once and that says a lot, because I think I get misunderstood often.

As the years have passed I've found so many areas within myself that have made me a better woman. A whole woman. When I marry I want to give ALL I am to my husband, be ALL that I am and take it back to the old school days when men and women lasted forever.  Back in the day love endured, families stayed entacted.  Now a days people get married today and divorced in two years. Even worse people marry for all the wrong reasons. No one seems happy. I don't want that.  One of the elderly women in the documentary spoke about being married to husband and then he passed away. I want that type of love. Until death do us part.

My parents lasted forever...I want that kinda love.


William Woods said...

I haven't seen this movie, but it seems like it would be a good one to watch. I like movies like this because I'm still a bit of a romantic who believes in relationships. The problem is, I feel, is that we live in an age where mistreating love and relationships seems like the norm. People definitely take relationships for granted. It seems like a lot of people, who possibly would be afraid of a "tell-all" movie like this, think that relationships and marriages are SUPPOSED to happen to them, in spite of NOT being "prepared" for them when they do finally come. Meanwhile, those who are READY to settle down for the right reasons often get messed over by the unprepared folk who treat others with negligence and a sense of ENTITLEMENT. It's odd to me, but when I look at some women who are STILL single, it baffles me. Same as when I see a man who has the right intentions or a good head on his shoulders, who can't find Ms. Right. It's like, you know their CHARACTER would make them a catch, but people avoid them because of their maturity in relationships and life, period.

As far as the "Saving lives" aspect of the right relationship, I STILL believe in that... Funny thing is, I think BOTH PARTIES have to be unafraid to admit that someone else besides THEM "SAVED" THEM! Oftentimes, the "RIGHT person" gets turned off to marriage and relationships nowadays because of the over-abundance of "selfish" mates he or she encounters along the way. I like the part of this trailor that talked about "Sacrifice", because it's surprising how many adults I know who STILL don't realize the importance of this term to having a "healthy" relationship. Simply put, some people don't realize that the reason they are "UNHAPPY" in their lives is because they still act the same way they did BEFORE adulthood. This is one of the main reasons why I don't get into "relationship" conversations much. I personally believe in life being a GROWTH process where I have to sacrifice OLD things (and behaviors)for NEWER, BETTER things. I'm misunderstood a lot also. I'm beginning to think that people who challenge others to think BIGGER than themselves have to bear the cross of being misunderstood more often than not.

Janelle said...

WOW, thank you for such insightful feedback. Just what this particular post needed.

I was once told that I was "too settled". Whatever that means. I think I am one of those people you speak about. I wasn't ready to settle down and get married back then, but I also never was one for "play the fielding". I enjoyed being in committed relationships and I think that often was misunderstood as I want you as my husband. I say I've only been in love once and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I've loved before, sure, but my heart has only been in love one time and with him I still am. But I am sure previous suitors have probably thought that I've wanted to settle down with them, but I can honestly say I have not. Poor souls.

Marriage is no game to me, and while some women are wanting to marry the first man with a sparkling ring, I on the other hand have always been a logical thinker. When documentaries like these give a glimpse inside what marriage is about people get scared. What did they think it was going to be? If we know relationships are hard work, why would marriage become any easier? But I'm just a single gal giving my two cents.

Janelle said...
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