Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Taking a Break

Hi Everyone,

I am a little under the weather and I need to take a personal break to get my health in order. I am not sure how long I will be away, but rest assure I will return. I am sorry for the sudden departure, but this was unexpected and without going into details, please know that if I could continue to write I would do so. I have given it much thought and know that for the sake of a speedy recovery it is best that I take a short break from blogging. Thank you for your understanding and if I do not return before the holidays I wish you all a very safe and Happy Holiday season!


Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Learning from Our Past

Trying to erase your past doesn't take away the pain or the mistakes. Many times trying to erase the past only leaves holes, scars, and fragments of memories of what put you there in the first place. I started writing this as a Food for Thought during my lunch hour earlier today and then stopped and decided I would come back to it a little later. Well my Pandora was pumping out some jams during the day and "Faded Pictures" by Case and Joe started to play through my computer speakers. The song took me way back. That song was back during a time when I was going through some very difficult times.  There is one part in the song that always would get me....

"As she turned through the pages, the tears rolled down her face, I could see her reminiscing, why her life have to be this way, As she stopped and she came to a page where her diary ends To smell the scent of an old rose, from her lover I suppose"

It's funny how during those hard times you think you can't make it through, everything seems devastating and some situations seem like you can't escape. It almost feels like you are being punished for a crime you never committed. During this time of my life I was the most innocent, giving, loving, and caring, person anyone could ever meet and I just couldn't understand how my life seemed to be surrounded by hatred.  Despite my smile I was hurting so deeply, but I held it all in. 

As time progressed I grew stronger and more resilent. But it was still hard to look at the past, because I knew how painful it was.  Despite it all, I never once cut up photographs or cut people out of pictures. Instead I put them away.  As recent as last week I was going through pictures and I came across a few that made me smile again. I thought I looked so beautiful, even remembering what I was going through at that time, I still felt so good looking at the old pictures. When I say those were rough times, they were rough times. Looking back on it, I think what made it so bad is that I never shared my pain with anyone. I kept everything inside and managed to deal with my trouble on my own and at my own pace. i don't recomment that to anyone, especially not my younger readers. If you are going through something that you don't feel comfortable talking to your friends about, at the least find a trusted adult to share your troubles. I know that if I would have shared my troubles, someone would have been able to help me.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Looking at my picture the only word and outsider would have thought would have been "happy".

I think as we learn from our past and stop trying to erase what has happened, we grow and its no longer painful, it's just YESTERDAY!  So when I heard the song today, the main lyrics that stood out to me were

"Faded pictures in a broken glass, Like a mirror revealing, What the woman is feeling"  

As people we all have things we hold on to, but the past is definitely one of those things that can hinder our future if we don't let go of the hurt and anger that may linger with it. Look in your mirror and see what it reveals or is there some broken glass you want gone? If it still hurts reach out. If you don't have anyone to talk to, you are more than welcome to email me brownmindbeauty@gmail.com 

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Good Old Fashion Huffy Bike

Small things make children so happy...and Mommies so emotional.

This weekend was gorgeous out. We'd just finished up the photo-shoot for the blog and had a little time to spare before it was off to visit Grandma, so we decided to go to the park.

On this particular day, when the emotions took me over, I was exhausted from the photo-shoot. I told her "We can go out, but mommy can't walk with you." I normally power walk behind her while she rides her bike. I said "This time I am just going to sit on the bench and watch you". She was so excited. She rode all around me, in laps, up and down, back and forth stopping to make new little friends. Probably the most freedom in our gated playground she's ever experienced.  

I felt tears in my eyes and a knot in my throat. {Here comes the violins} My daughter kept screaming, "Did you see me?, did you see me mommy?. I can do it, I can do it all by myself! " Then she jumped back on her "big" girl bike and sped off without any help. A tear trickled down my cheek. I remembered just months earlier we'd walked that same path, Dad holding on tightly to the back of the bike and me teasing her to not run me over as she steered recklessly in my direction. We'd all laugh and see how she was getting better each day and a little too big for her bike.

They would spend their summer trying to ride that bike and I loved to see them together. I secretly would remember my Daddy guiding the seat of my brother's old Huffy bike, as he taught me how to ride a two wheeler and before long he let go. It's something about when Dad let's go of the back of that bike.... it's like a part of childhood saying goodbye. Don't get me wrong it's not a bad thing at all. It is such a sense of freedom and accomplishment. As a parent you watch them go from riding a tricycle, to needing your help, to no longer needing your help, to riding all around....it's simply a stage in life. Your baby is growing up. In girls it seems harder to let them go with each step, or may be it's just me?

What ever the reason it is great to see how good she has gotten. For her birthday surprise last month she got her first "big"girl Huffy bike and she is so proud to show how she can do it "all by herself". Believe it or not it is already time to adjust the seat.

They grow up so fast. I know one day she won't jump in my arms when I pick her up from school and she won't wrap her arms around my neck to say "goodnight". I also know learning to ride the bike won't be the first time I cry. I'm sure she and Dad will find more ways to make me smile and get emotional. What I do know is that, the time spent with this child of mine is the best time I've ever spent on this earth. I also know I was tired that day, the simple thought of rising off the couch to go outside was exhausting, but I am so glad I did. We may get a few more warm days this fall and I have to let her put a few more miles on her bike. Next summer won't be the same. She is growing each and every day. I have to make it last. I have to remember what's more important. Someone once told me "this is not a dress rehearsal". It's your life, live it! 

Monday, October 10, 2011

Food for Thought: Beyond the Moment

If we stop living in the "right now" and start living for our future we would see that some relationships that are in the "moment"are not meant to be. If we let go of what's not ours we can receive what we truly deserve. 

"I'll close my eyes
Then I won't see
The love you don't feel
When you're holding me
Mornin' will come
And I'll do what's right
Just give me till then
To give up this fight"- I Can't Make You Love Me


I've been teaching my daughter about sharing for as long as she could understand what it meant to not always have her way or what she wants.  She is no different from any other child, sometimes she gets the concept and sometimes not so much, but overall I think she is a well rounded kid. I don't want her to grow up to be selfish and so far she is far from it.

She has always seen mommy donate items to the Goodwill or give things to friends. There is a Goodwill we visit often, but lately I have been wanting to do more. I've wished for a child that I could just give the items to directly. In the summer a friend of mines found a woman at her church whose daughters were in need of shoes, I immediately raided my daughter's closet and found more than shoes and created a care package and sent it on it's way to find a new home. The woman was very grateful. I love doing things like that, it brings me joy to know that someone is getting good use out of things. Well I decided instead of just dropping off the bags at the Goodwill, we'd do something different this time. Since we don't know anyone to directly call up and give the items to, I decided to reach out to all of.

Over the next month or so my daughter and I will be giving toys, clothes, shoes and books to a little girl in need this year ages 4-6. If you or anyone you know that lives in the Chicago-land area that would like these gently used items please leave me an email atbrownmindbeauty@gmail.com and leave me your information. If I have more than one girl in need I will divide the items evenly.  This is NOT a contest, your request and  information will remain confidential.
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