Food for Thought: Beyond the Moment

If we stop living in the "right now" and start living for our future we would see that some relationships that are in the "moment"are not meant to be. If we let go of what's not ours we can receive what we truly deserve. 

"I'll close my eyes
Then I won't see
The love you don't feel
When you're holding me
Mornin' will come
And I'll do what's right
Just give me till then
To give up this fight"- I Can't Make You Love Me

Food for Thought: Oh No She Didn't

I'm diggin in the crate for new ideas. So topic for discussion, what makes a woman knowingly sleep with another woman's husband/boyfriend, or vice versa what makes a man sleep with another man's wife/girlfriend?


I am curious the thought process of the "other" woman/man. I bet some people are shaking their head saying "Oh no she sidn't". "Oh yes I did" (lol). So have at it. 

Food for Thought- Love Don't Grow on Trees

"Love just doesn't grow on tree"...

We've all heard the saying "money doesn't grow on trees". That statement is usually said when someone is spending unnecessarily or wanting for things without thinking about the expense. The same is true for love. There is not an endless supply of love, if you are NOT taking care of the love you have. You have to invest in love, relationships, and people if you want to get a return.

Now, I am not saying that you should go invest in things that you know will crash, however I am implying that if you have something you want to see grow, be mindful of how you treat it, or you may just wake up broke.
.

Food For Thought- He Listens

Love is when he listens during an argument and never walks away until you are no longer upset. Its a one in a million trait, that most people don't possess. Do you know anyone that cares enough to hear your thoughts and concerns despite it all?

Good Beat Down!!!

It is said that anything worth having is worth fighting for, but if what you're fighting for keeps fighting against you, sometimes it is best emotionally, to throw in the gloves. Call it failure, quitting, losing or what you may. I call it knowing when to walk away before you end up an emotionally beaten mess.

In relationships we often extend ourselves beyond what is psychologically healthy to love another person. What keeps this never winning match of emotional low blows, and spiritual upper cuts going is the inability to realize you can't fight a love battle alone. The other person has to be willing to work just as hard to win and if not, you will just keep hitting the wall.

There is no room for "in- between" in a fight. You either go at with the spirit and hustle to win, or you sit back on the sideline and watch while your mate swings in mid air and LOVE beats them down. Personally my heart can only take so much. I'm a fighter to the end. I am loyal and courageous. For love, I've gone through some of the most difficult times, only to come out and realize I was getting my butt kicked by LOVE while the other person chilled in passive mode.

You know how it left me feeling? Like someone literally stepped on my chest while I was on the ground and spit in my face as LOVE walked away.

You know what I learned? That if a person isn't willing to struggle for themselves or the relationship, it isn't worth it. Now I know my limitation and what I will and will not do for love. I can toss in the towel and be okay with that decision because I'd rather forfeit than keep at something that is continuous hurt. In a loving relationship you are supposed to be a team. At times, one team mate may have to pull more weight, but in the end you should feel victorious together, not defeated and alone.

So you've proven you can stand the worse of times, weather the storm, and love them when they're down, you're a Winner, right?  Maybe and maybe not. Do you know your limits? What's the final punch for you before calling it a TKO?

Food For Thought- Why I'm Thankful

Happy Thanksgiving!
This Food for Thought closes my Thanksgiving Series. I hope you all had a chance to reflect within yourself and see some of the random things I reflect on.

Last Thanksgiving was a rough time for me, I was going through a terrible heartbreak and the pain felt never ending. The rain tonight reminded me of how I felt and after a moment of sadness, it didn't take much for me to realize why I am thankful.

I am thankful because:

1. My family members are all safe (I love them all, no matter what)
2. I have the best child a mother could ask for.
3. I am in good health and sound mind
4. My friends are wonderful (they guide me through everything, without them I'd break)
5. I am employed (too many people are without)
6. I have a warm place to call home
7. I know who I am
8. I can touch people through my words
9. My heart healed
10. I am loved!

What are some  things you are thankful to have experienced, learned, overcome, shared, or hold dear to you?

Happy Thanksgiving!

Food For Thought- Where Did That Come From?

Defense mode keeps us safe. Sometimes we block out so much that we don't realize that what we're blocking has already gotten in. Anger, love, jealous, lust, etc. can ease through the tiniest crack of a well constructed wall.

For a moment, notice your reactions to certain situations. Our reactions or lack thereof can possibly indicate more about ourselves than we'd care to know. Emotions both good and bad can sometimes leave us asking, "Where did that come from"?

Food For Thought- We All Need

I hate it when people tell me they don't worry about me. They say they always know that I will be okay, no matter what. Granted I appreciate that people know my strengths, but despite my outer shell, I'm very soft on the inside. As much as I worry about others, it would be nice to know someone had the same concern for me.

Just because a person can hold their own, doesn't mean they don't need a shoulder. Look to the friend you always turn to during your troubles and ask if she/he needs anything. You may be surprised.

Food for Thought- It's Not Suppose to Hurt

A man that loves you won't tear out your heart only to say he loves you.

Stop Spying

I find it interesting that when I was a compromising and forgiving woman, unsolicited advice about "How Not to be a Doormat" was handed out: "Girl, don't let that man walk all over you", or "A man will only do what you allow", these phrases and many more were screamed to the top of the "bitter woman hill" by so many people. "Cheerleaders" as I like to call them, had advice for just about everything. "Girl please, you are a good one" or my favorite "I wish I would....". You wish you would what? I always wanted to ask, but didn't, because I knew I would get the "sista girl neck roll" followed by a bunch of bull-ish.

Now the role is reversed many of these same women are either miserably married, or desperately seeking the acceptance of a man to make her his "wifey". I laugh now because the mistakes I made in my 20s I watch as people my age and older make and then some. Since I don't have the patience nor the time to raise a grown man, to be just that "A grown man" I cut those issues short. Now my forgiveness is earned and compromise goes both ways. But I find the advice I hear in discussion with my female counterpart is "well at least he is trying", or "most men wouldn't even bother". Oh really? Is that right? How is that your neck stopped rolling when you "fell in love" with "less than Mr.Perfect"?

The difference isn't that their man is any better or necessarily worse than the ones from the past, it's just that now they've suddenly fallen off the high horse and can't follow their own advice. Sometimes advice given isn't even worth tuning in. People secretly whisper and spy in on your life anticipating how they would act in every given situation. However, when they are no longer watching and have the starring role it suddenly becomes different. Women for some reason feel the need to play devils advocate on everyone's life but their own. The truth is, you never know how you will act in a situation until you are placed in that situation. I am sure some will argue that point because we all know our limits. But we also know there can be a thin line on compromise and when that line is crossed or even stepped on, our decision making can sometimes be swayed, especially if it is something or someone you truly desire.

Good thing for me, I have always been my own woman. I don't listen to what others have to say about people. I make my own judgments and follow my own mind. If you have people judging you or your lifestyle it may be time to step back and see how many eyes are spying on you. A watchful eye is usually beheld by someone or something plotting it's next move. Don't let people change the person that you are, if you are happy when you look in the mirror. Some people are better left playing "inspector gadget" or "secret agent" in their own lives and not others.

Get what I'm saying?

Food for Thought- From One Woman to Another

From one woman to another: step back, let it hurt, let it go, and love yourself first. "Girl, you gotta love yourself more than a man"...Only a good friend can say it like that. Be a better friend and listen.

Sometimes a great girlfriend will say things to you that make you want to cry because you know she speaks the truth. Then there are times when an even greater girlfriend will catch the tear before it touches your cheek.

Know who has your best interest at heart and who "hardly" cares.

Food For Thought- "As Is"

"I only know how to be me". Is that an excuse or a way of saying "here I am and accept me -as is-"?  

Let's look at this from a retail perspective.

 

Usually "as is" or the "floor model" has scratches or some form of irregularity. Do I really want to invest my money in something that needs repairing? Chances are "NO", especially if a new one or an alternative is only a few dollars more expensive.

Let's look at this from a life perspective.

 

If you are not willing to change for your significant other or polish some of those scratches, then chances are they are not going to invest in you. If you hear your defense for your actions always equating to "this is just how I am, stop trying to change me" instead of "I know I can be this way, I'm working on it" then you may want to self reflect your "as is" condition before you make that offer.

 

Remember my "Food for Thought" post are to get you thinking. So please comment and share your thoughts.

 

 

Letting Go!- Repost 10/17/2009

Sometimes we are so hurt and torn down we don't  realize the extra pain that we cause ourselves by allowing old wounds to remain unhealed. I think the first step in completely healing a wound is realizing that it is there! It's easy to cover scars with bandages and never acknowledge that they exist.

Hurting and healing is one of the most difficult task in self-help. The hardest aspect is allowing yourself to hurt. Often times we guard ourselves after heartache so that no one else or nothing else will hurt us again, With this wall, we not only block pain from coming in, we also block its' ability to escape, keeping it trapped in forever.

This year has been all about setting, achieving and exceeding goals I've made for myself. (Believe me the list is intense). I am down to the last few months of the year, and I can say I have successfully achieved most, if not all. Well late on the list I am adding "letting go". I will no longer hold the wall of protection that won't allow past pains to escape, instead I am breaking down each brick of the wall and allowing bad experiences, heartache, disappointment, etc. to find their way out (with some forced guidance of course).

With my new added task, I'll be even more mentally occupied than expected. But I am willing to block off some time in my schedule for some TLC for myself. This year my expectations have grown, my acceptance has become limited and I am anticipating the best that my new life has to offer.

Losing Control

I have noticed that when I am not in control of the activities going on in my life, I feel chaotic. I feel rushed, and overwhelmed. I am not a control freak, but I have learned in the past to only depend on me. Self dependence also means self reliance, which to me equals self control. I am in charge of my daily decisions, and actions.

Recently I have mastered the control of most of my emotions. I am a work in progress. Knowing this I have become more patient with the things I want in life.

When it comes to love we tend to reach and reach, even if what we are reaching for keeps stepping back. Get my drift? Well, sometimes stepping back ourselves is an even better way to get what we "deserve" instead of want. Ironically, when you are overwhelmed with emotions you can be blindsided by what appears to be what you think you want, and in actuality it is what you desire at the moment. Stepping back and allowing the circumstance to play out, often reveals that it was never good for you.

Not being in control of the aspects of love relationships has lead me to feel less chaotic, the exact opposite of the other pieces of my life. Without the chaos, you can see what you deserve. It's such a good feeling to be free. What is something you can let go of?

I Can't Sing A Note: But I've Been Singing My Heart Out

“Woman I beg your forgiveness

And I'll do whatever it takes

And may the Lord be my witness

Honey I never meant to treat you this way

Sugar your heart has been broken

But I could still see true love shine in your eyes

When every word has been spoken

Woman I'll love you for the rest of my life” -

By Kem - Universal Motown Records (2010) 

I absolutely love this song. I think I listen to it about 20 times a day. It is clearly an “I messed up, take me back” song. But the last few times I heard it, I listened to it from a different perspective. I started singing the song to myself. I mean looking in the mirror singing out loud with all my heart singing. Suddenly the words meant so much more. I started feeling like I was singing the “I messed up, give me another chance” directly to me.

Okay, you are probably thinking what is this girl talking about?? The song just got me to thinking about how bad a person feels when they are in a painful relationship with someone and all the emotional hurt they go through. Well I have been down that dark road and when I stepped back I just look and say, “it wasn’t worth it”. I must have been foolish to ever treat myself so wrong. Loving someone that doesn’t love back, giving your all and then your left feeling empty. You temporarily lose yourself. Well no more, it’s time for me. So I just sing to myself: “I’ll never hurt you again Girl I, I know you deserve a better man, Girl IIIIIIIIIII, I was a fool to ever let you down”

Oh a serious note, you really do let yourself down when you don’t allow happiness to outweigh the rough times. Though there is pain and heartache, I am still a believer in true love. One day I will have stars in my eyes again. So again, I’ll never allow myself to hurt like that again.

I know, this is a weird way to listen to a song, but the words carry a strong meaning to me and I interpret things differently. Most people would envision a man singing it to a woman, but trying singing it to YOU and hear the meaning behind the words. We can hurt ourselves more than any individual and just like we forgive others, we also must forgive ourselves. I hope you can find a different meaning in the songs you love. God knows I can't sing, but I've been singing my heart out. What can I say, it makes me happy!

It Soothes My Soul - scene 1 from the movie

Let me not even go there as to why this movie needs to be seen. Please if you have a chance check it out and support the film makers. The premiers are May 5th and 6th @ Ice Theaters 210 W. 87th Street @ 7pm and it's only $10, if you can't attend, order the DVD online @ www.circa1978.net.

My Hopes for the Future

I have been contemplating my wants over the past week. I have never focused on what is that I want in life. I have always focused on making sure others around me were happy and taken care of. But these last few years have taught me that it is more important to take care of myself first in order to take care of others.

My hopes for the future are simple, yet so complicated. I want to be happy. Truly happy. I don't need riches or material things to accomplish this I just need to tune the channel on ME. I have never been selfish before, so I can't wait to see what it feels like.

Letting Go Phase 3 “Finding Yourself”

Finding yourself through pain can be difficult. When we are hurt we internalize the pain and somehow view the person actions as a reflection of who we are. But in reality their behavior is what is wrong and not you as a person.

Children are placed in time out for their bad behavior, but as adults, people tend to believe that their actions don’t deserve punishment. More times than not they even justify their own bad behavior by belittling the other person. Ego, pride, self esteem, etc. all play a key role in how the guilty party reacts in a situation. It is simple to place the blame on the other person rather than admitting and apologizing for their wrong actions.

In a time of hurt and despair it is easy to absorb hurtful words and believe in some way you deserved to be mistreated. Although it is easier said than done, to move pass this stage of letting go, underneath all the pain is the truth. Find who you are and have always been and do not allow anyone to change that. If you are a kind, gentle, and caring person continue to be that person. Society tends to view loving people as weak, but it takes far more strength to be graceful and loving than it does to be cruel and malicious.

Do not worry about what others may think, because in the end you know the truth and that is what has to hold you together in order to move forward.