Food For Thought- He Listens

Love is when he listens during an argument and never walks away until you are no longer upset. Its a one in a million trait, that most people don't possess. Do you know anyone that cares enough to hear your thoughts and concerns despite it all?

From My Journal of Poetry- "Foolish Me"

Foolish Me

Written 2005

By Janelle Wade

                        

How could I ever believe you were in love?

Physically hurting, emotionally driving me insane

I should have know better than to believe the lies

Never imagined I’d be sitting here in so much pain

Foolish me to trust someone so selfish

I know that you ran to her each night

You should know better than to think I would never find out

Whatever you do in the dark creeps out in the light

Foolish me to believe that you would be true

You got me thinking crazy thoughts

I’m laying here wishing you would never come back

Contemplating what is left for me to do

We haven’t touched in what seems like years

You lay next to me sleeping silently

Thoughts are filled with pain

With eyes filled with tears

Deep down I want to hold you close and never let go

Imagining you kissing her lips and making love to her

Now I’m thinking crazy wishing the worse for you

Foolish me to let you look at me and tell so many lies

The only reason you stay

Loving the magic between my thighs

It hurts to know love has gone

But I have to question if I ever loved you before

I was lying to myself because I didn’t have a choice

I didn’t believe I deserved more

I can’t sleep at night feeling all alone

It’s tearing my heart in little pieces

You leave only to return with an empty kiss

What has us at this point…longing for you is what I miss

To many things happened to soon and too fast

There was no way we were strong enough to last

Yeah, I thought you were the one

Foolish me to let my heart give in

With you there is no way I’ll ever win

There is no contract in love

Everyone is allowed to change

But I keep laying here trying to make you come home

In reality you left me all alone

Foolish me to trust someone so selfish

I know that you ran to her each night

You should know better than to think I would never find out

Whatever you do in the dark creeps out in the light

Finally I can give in and let her take my spot

One day I woke up and now I just can’t care

I didn’t know how foolish I was

So I’m leaving and “I love you” not

It’s not so hard to close the door

Watch as I walk away

On to someone that will love me more

I have to leave you alone

No more lies, no more coming in late

I’m tired of arguing I am done

Please don’t bother calling me on the phone

It’s turned off like my heart

The key you no longer have

Everything in me screamed you were wrong from the start

So I’m leaving and never looking back

With my bags packed and on my way

Sigh of relieve as I look forward to a brighter day

The only one I have now is myself and I

Foolish me because it took me this long to say goodbye

By Janelle Wade

                        

How could I ever believe you were in love?

Physically hurting, emotionally driving me insane

I should have know better than to believe the lies

Never imagined I’d be sitting here in so much pain

Foolish me to trust someone so selfish

I know that you ran to her each night

You should know better than to think I would never find out

Whatever you do in the dark creeps out in the light

Foolish me to believe that you would be true

You got me thinking crazy thoughts

I’m laying here wishing you would never come back

Contemplating what is left for me to do

We haven’t touched in what seems like years

You lay next to me sleeping silently

Thoughts are filled with pain

With eyes filled with tears

Deep down I want to hold you close and never let go

Imagining you kissing her lips and making love to her

Now I’m thinking crazy wishing the worse for you

Foolish me to let you look at me and tell so many lies

The only reason you stay

Loving the magic between my thighs

It hurts to know love has gone

But I have to question if I ever loved you before

I was lying to myself because I didn’t have a choice

I didn’t believe I deserved more

I can’t sleep at night feeling all alone

It’s tearing my heart in little pieces

You leave only to return with an empty kiss

What has us at this point…longing for you is what I miss

To many things happened to soon and too fast

There was no way we were strong enough to last

Yeah, I thought you were the one

Foolish me to let my heart give in

With you there is no way I’ll ever win

There is no contract in love

Everyone is allowed to change

But I keep laying here trying to make you come home

In reality you left me all alone

Foolish me to trust someone so selfish

I know that you ran to her each night

You should know better than to think I would never find out

Whatever you do in the dark creeps out in the light

Finally I can give in and let her take my spot

One day I woke up and now I just can’t care

I didn’t know how foolish I was

So I’m leaving and “I love you” not

It’s not so hard to close the door

Watch as I walk away

On to someone that will love me more

I have to leave you alone

No more lies, no more coming in late

I’m tired of arguing I am done

Please don’t bother calling me on the phone

It’s turned off like my heart

The key you no longer have

Everything in me screamed you were wrong from the start

So I’m leaving and never looking back

With my bags packed and on my way

Sigh of relieve as I look forward to a brighter day

The only one I have now is myself and I

Foolish me because it took me this long to say goodbye

Good Beat Down!!!

It is said that anything worth having is worth fighting for, but if what you're fighting for keeps fighting against you, sometimes it is best emotionally, to throw in the gloves. Call it failure, quitting, losing or what you may. I call it knowing when to walk away before you end up an emotionally beaten mess.

In relationships we often extend ourselves beyond what is psychologically healthy to love another person. What keeps this never winning match of emotional low blows, and spiritual upper cuts going is the inability to realize you can't fight a love battle alone. The other person has to be willing to work just as hard to win and if not, you will just keep hitting the wall.

There is no room for "in- between" in a fight. You either go at with the spirit and hustle to win, or you sit back on the sideline and watch while your mate swings in mid air and LOVE beats them down. Personally my heart can only take so much. I'm a fighter to the end. I am loyal and courageous. For love, I've gone through some of the most difficult times, only to come out and realize I was getting my butt kicked by LOVE while the other person chilled in passive mode.

You know how it left me feeling? Like someone literally stepped on my chest while I was on the ground and spit in my face as LOVE walked away.

You know what I learned? That if a person isn't willing to struggle for themselves or the relationship, it isn't worth it. Now I know my limitation and what I will and will not do for love. I can toss in the towel and be okay with that decision because I'd rather forfeit than keep at something that is continuous hurt. In a loving relationship you are supposed to be a team. At times, one team mate may have to pull more weight, but in the end you should feel victorious together, not defeated and alone.

So you've proven you can stand the worse of times, weather the storm, and love them when they're down, you're a Winner, right?  Maybe and maybe not. Do you know your limits? What's the final punch for you before calling it a TKO?

Food for Thought- From One Woman to Another

From one woman to another: step back, let it hurt, let it go, and love yourself first. "Girl, you gotta love yourself more than a man"...Only a good friend can say it like that. Be a better friend and listen.

Sometimes a great girlfriend will say things to you that make you want to cry because you know she speaks the truth. Then there are times when an even greater girlfriend will catch the tear before it touches your cheek.

Know who has your best interest at heart and who "hardly" cares.

I Can't Sing A Note: But I've Been Singing My Heart Out

“Woman I beg your forgiveness

And I'll do whatever it takes

And may the Lord be my witness

Honey I never meant to treat you this way

Sugar your heart has been broken

But I could still see true love shine in your eyes

When every word has been spoken

Woman I'll love you for the rest of my life” -

By Kem - Universal Motown Records (2010) 

I absolutely love this song. I think I listen to it about 20 times a day. It is clearly an “I messed up, take me back” song. But the last few times I heard it, I listened to it from a different perspective. I started singing the song to myself. I mean looking in the mirror singing out loud with all my heart singing. Suddenly the words meant so much more. I started feeling like I was singing the “I messed up, give me another chance” directly to me.

Okay, you are probably thinking what is this girl talking about?? The song just got me to thinking about how bad a person feels when they are in a painful relationship with someone and all the emotional hurt they go through. Well I have been down that dark road and when I stepped back I just look and say, “it wasn’t worth it”. I must have been foolish to ever treat myself so wrong. Loving someone that doesn’t love back, giving your all and then your left feeling empty. You temporarily lose yourself. Well no more, it’s time for me. So I just sing to myself: “I’ll never hurt you again Girl I, I know you deserve a better man, Girl IIIIIIIIIII, I was a fool to ever let you down”

Oh a serious note, you really do let yourself down when you don’t allow happiness to outweigh the rough times. Though there is pain and heartache, I am still a believer in true love. One day I will have stars in my eyes again. So again, I’ll never allow myself to hurt like that again.

I know, this is a weird way to listen to a song, but the words carry a strong meaning to me and I interpret things differently. Most people would envision a man singing it to a woman, but trying singing it to YOU and hear the meaning behind the words. We can hurt ourselves more than any individual and just like we forgive others, we also must forgive ourselves. I hope you can find a different meaning in the songs you love. God knows I can't sing, but I've been singing my heart out. What can I say, it makes me happy!

Letting Go Phase 3 “Finding Yourself”

Finding yourself through pain can be difficult. When we are hurt we internalize the pain and somehow view the person actions as a reflection of who we are. But in reality their behavior is what is wrong and not you as a person.

Children are placed in time out for their bad behavior, but as adults, people tend to believe that their actions don’t deserve punishment. More times than not they even justify their own bad behavior by belittling the other person. Ego, pride, self esteem, etc. all play a key role in how the guilty party reacts in a situation. It is simple to place the blame on the other person rather than admitting and apologizing for their wrong actions.

In a time of hurt and despair it is easy to absorb hurtful words and believe in some way you deserved to be mistreated. Although it is easier said than done, to move pass this stage of letting go, underneath all the pain is the truth. Find who you are and have always been and do not allow anyone to change that. If you are a kind, gentle, and caring person continue to be that person. Society tends to view loving people as weak, but it takes far more strength to be graceful and loving than it does to be cruel and malicious.

Do not worry about what others may think, because in the end you know the truth and that is what has to hold you together in order to move forward.