Taking a Break

Hi Everyone,

I am a little under the weather and I need to take a personal break to get my health in order. I am not sure how long I will be away, but rest assure I will return. I am sorry for the sudden departure, but this was unexpected and without going into details, please know that if I could continue to write I would do so. I have given it much thought and know that for the sake of a speedy recovery it is best that I take a short break from blogging. Thank you for your understanding and if I do not return before the holidays I wish you all a very safe and Happy Holiday season!

Love,
Janelle

Learning from Our Past

Trying to erase your past doesn't take away the pain or the mistakes. Many times trying to erase the past only leaves holes, scars, and fragments of memories of what put you there in the first place. I started writing this as a Food for Thought during my lunch hour earlier today and then stopped and decided I would come back to it a little later. Well my Pandora was pumping out some jams during the day and "Faded Pictures" by Case and Joe started to play through my computer speakers. The song took me way back. That song was back during a time when I was going through some very difficult times.  There is one part in the song that always would get me....

"As she turned through the pages, the tears rolled down her face, I could see her reminiscing, why her life have to be this way, As she stopped and she came to a page where her diary ends To smell the scent of an old rose, from her lover I suppose"


It's funny how during those hard times you think you can't make it through, everything seems devastating and some situations seem like you can't escape. It almost feels like you are being punished for a crime you never committed. During this time of my life I was the most innocent, giving, loving, and caring, person anyone could ever meet and I just couldn't understand how my life seemed to be surrounded by hatred.  Despite my smile I was hurting so deeply, but I held it all in. 


As time progressed I grew stronger and more resilent. But it was still hard to look at the past, because I knew how painful it was.  Despite it all, I never once cut up photographs or cut people out of pictures. Instead I put them away.  As recent as last week I was going through pictures and I came across a few that made me smile again. I thought I looked so beautiful, even remembering what I was going through at that time, I still felt so good looking at the old pictures. When I say those were rough times, they were rough times. Looking back on it, I think what made it so bad is that I never shared my pain with anyone. I kept everything inside and managed to deal with my trouble on my own and at my own pace. i don't recomment that to anyone, especially not my younger readers. If you are going through something that you don't feel comfortable talking to your friends about, at the least find a trusted adult to share your troubles. I know that if I would have shared my troubles, someone would have been able to help me.


They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Looking at my picture the only word and outsider would have thought would have been "happy".

I think as we learn from our past and stop trying to erase what has happened, we grow and its no longer painful, it's just YESTERDAY!  So when I heard the song today, the main lyrics that stood out to me were


"Faded pictures in a broken glass, Like a mirror revealing, What the woman is feeling"  

As people we all have things we hold on to, but the past is definitely one of those things that can hinder our future if we don't let go of the hurt and anger that may linger with it. Look in your mirror and see what it reveals or is there some broken glass you want gone? If it still hurts reach out. If you don't have anyone to talk to, you are more than welcome to email me brownmindbeauty@gmail.com 

The 2nd Month of the Year

I claimed this year would be great, but despite my claim to happiness, this year has been a roller coaster. We are only in the second month of the year, and I think I have experienced most emotions known to mankind. I know Life never gives us more than we can bear, but I am convinced that I must have unlimited bearable miles stamped on my heart. I also know some things are meant to make us stronger (so they say), while others are meant to teach us a lesson. Well I must be the strongest, smartest,  life learner yet, because I keep getting a new chapter of life to study. It's harder for me to watch the people I care for struggle or hurt, than it is for me to suffer. I have a "fix it" attitude about everything, and unfortunately all things can not be fixed, nor are they in my control. So for now I lay back in the cut and wait for life to throw me another curve ball. I won't let this bumpy start get me in a funk, instead I'll say, "see you at the end of the month Life, and we can recap our 28 days".
 

Blog Neglect and Too Much Stress

Sorry I have been slacking on the blog post as of lately. This year came in a little overwhelming and I have been under a lot of stress. (Nothing I can't handle) Too say the least I need a hug. That sounds so funny, but its true one time my co-worker gave me a hug for absolutely no reason and immediately I felt better. I love hugs. Over the shoulder hugs, tight waist hugs, little hand hugs, any type. LOL. Seriously, I must send my apologies for not writing. I have so much on my mind that I want to share, but we will take it one topic at a time. I am hoping I can get back to writing shortly.

Sometimes stressing puts everything over the top and the smallest things under a microscope. Your heart beats a little faster, you feel a little tougher, you feel a little weaker, a little smarter, a little less smart, a little emotional, a little less emotional, overall you feel every damn emotion you've ever felt, or at least it seems that way. Randomly thinking, I feel better when I let it out. I am off to get some much needed sleep. If you are a blogger and think I may be interested in reading your work. Please leave your link in my comments, I am always up for a good read.  Good night brownies!

From My Journal of Poetry- "Foolish Me"

Foolish Me

Written 2005

By Janelle Wade

                        

How could I ever believe you were in love?

Physically hurting, emotionally driving me insane

I should have know better than to believe the lies

Never imagined I’d be sitting here in so much pain

Foolish me to trust someone so selfish

I know that you ran to her each night

You should know better than to think I would never find out

Whatever you do in the dark creeps out in the light

Foolish me to believe that you would be true

You got me thinking crazy thoughts

I’m laying here wishing you would never come back

Contemplating what is left for me to do

We haven’t touched in what seems like years

You lay next to me sleeping silently

Thoughts are filled with pain

With eyes filled with tears

Deep down I want to hold you close and never let go

Imagining you kissing her lips and making love to her

Now I’m thinking crazy wishing the worse for you

Foolish me to let you look at me and tell so many lies

The only reason you stay

Loving the magic between my thighs

It hurts to know love has gone

But I have to question if I ever loved you before

I was lying to myself because I didn’t have a choice

I didn’t believe I deserved more

I can’t sleep at night feeling all alone

It’s tearing my heart in little pieces

You leave only to return with an empty kiss

What has us at this point…longing for you is what I miss

To many things happened to soon and too fast

There was no way we were strong enough to last

Yeah, I thought you were the one

Foolish me to let my heart give in

With you there is no way I’ll ever win

There is no contract in love

Everyone is allowed to change

But I keep laying here trying to make you come home

In reality you left me all alone

Foolish me to trust someone so selfish

I know that you ran to her each night

You should know better than to think I would never find out

Whatever you do in the dark creeps out in the light

Finally I can give in and let her take my spot

One day I woke up and now I just can’t care

I didn’t know how foolish I was

So I’m leaving and “I love you” not

It’s not so hard to close the door

Watch as I walk away

On to someone that will love me more

I have to leave you alone

No more lies, no more coming in late

I’m tired of arguing I am done

Please don’t bother calling me on the phone

It’s turned off like my heart

The key you no longer have

Everything in me screamed you were wrong from the start

So I’m leaving and never looking back

With my bags packed and on my way

Sigh of relieve as I look forward to a brighter day

The only one I have now is myself and I

Foolish me because it took me this long to say goodbye

By Janelle Wade

                        

How could I ever believe you were in love?

Physically hurting, emotionally driving me insane

I should have know better than to believe the lies

Never imagined I’d be sitting here in so much pain

Foolish me to trust someone so selfish

I know that you ran to her each night

You should know better than to think I would never find out

Whatever you do in the dark creeps out in the light

Foolish me to believe that you would be true

You got me thinking crazy thoughts

I’m laying here wishing you would never come back

Contemplating what is left for me to do

We haven’t touched in what seems like years

You lay next to me sleeping silently

Thoughts are filled with pain

With eyes filled with tears

Deep down I want to hold you close and never let go

Imagining you kissing her lips and making love to her

Now I’m thinking crazy wishing the worse for you

Foolish me to let you look at me and tell so many lies

The only reason you stay

Loving the magic between my thighs

It hurts to know love has gone

But I have to question if I ever loved you before

I was lying to myself because I didn’t have a choice

I didn’t believe I deserved more

I can’t sleep at night feeling all alone

It’s tearing my heart in little pieces

You leave only to return with an empty kiss

What has us at this point…longing for you is what I miss

To many things happened to soon and too fast

There was no way we were strong enough to last

Yeah, I thought you were the one

Foolish me to let my heart give in

With you there is no way I’ll ever win

There is no contract in love

Everyone is allowed to change

But I keep laying here trying to make you come home

In reality you left me all alone

Foolish me to trust someone so selfish

I know that you ran to her each night

You should know better than to think I would never find out

Whatever you do in the dark creeps out in the light

Finally I can give in and let her take my spot

One day I woke up and now I just can’t care

I didn’t know how foolish I was

So I’m leaving and “I love you” not

It’s not so hard to close the door

Watch as I walk away

On to someone that will love me more

I have to leave you alone

No more lies, no more coming in late

I’m tired of arguing I am done

Please don’t bother calling me on the phone

It’s turned off like my heart

The key you no longer have

Everything in me screamed you were wrong from the start

So I’m leaving and never looking back

With my bags packed and on my way

Sigh of relieve as I look forward to a brighter day

The only one I have now is myself and I

Foolish me because it took me this long to say goodbye

How Will You Be Remembered?

We all want to leave a mark in this world. Some people are remembered for their courage and ability to stand up for what is right such as the great Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.. Others are talented beyond words and leave the world wanting more long after they are gone as we see with the legendary Michael Jackson.

People tell me that I tend to absorb the problems of others and try to help in situations that are deemed "helpless". For that reason, I use to question my ability to go the extra mile and console a friend or help a loved one regardless of how many times they were in need. Those around me could not understand my compassion and accepting nature to bring in a friend that once turned their back on me, but now required a shoulder. I questioned my own sanity in some cases,but I knew I was right in my willingness to forgive.

There has always been something deep inside that speaks to me. The comforting whispers in my heart, tell me that God has sent that person to me. In the will of doing right in the eyes of God, I help, I comfort, I console. I do what I'm told. I worry no more how others view my nature to nurture, I just do!

So I sit and ponder. How do I want to be remembered?

When someone speaks of my life after I am long gone, I want to be remembered as the woman that smiled for absolutely no reason at all and joked to make an uncomfortable situation easier. But most importantly I want to be remembered as the woman that took away a problem from someone, absorbed the hurt of another, and through her heart loved glowed.

How will you be remembered?

Food For Thought- Why I'm Thankful

Happy Thanksgiving!
This Food for Thought closes my Thanksgiving Series. I hope you all had a chance to reflect within yourself and see some of the random things I reflect on.

Last Thanksgiving was a rough time for me, I was going through a terrible heartbreak and the pain felt never ending. The rain tonight reminded me of how I felt and after a moment of sadness, it didn't take much for me to realize why I am thankful.

I am thankful because:

1. My family members are all safe (I love them all, no matter what)
2. I have the best child a mother could ask for.
3. I am in good health and sound mind
4. My friends are wonderful (they guide me through everything, without them I'd break)
5. I am employed (too many people are without)
6. I have a warm place to call home
7. I know who I am
8. I can touch people through my words
9. My heart healed
10. I am loved!

What are some  things you are thankful to have experienced, learned, overcome, shared, or hold dear to you?

Happy Thanksgiving!

Food For Thought- Give Me Back My Heart?

Is there a hole in my heart, or does it just feel like something will forever be missing?

Has anyone ever felt this way? A lost love that got a way, a breakup that never healed, the loss of a loved one, etc.  Does your heart ever become whole again? What do you all think?

Introducing Food For Thought Thanksgiving Series

Morning Loves,

I have decided that with the holidays fast approaching and this year is coming to a close, I have so much on my mind. This past year has been a whirlwind of sorts for me. Many highs and some very low lows. I will be bringing you a Food For Thought each day before Thanksgiving. Please chime in and feel free to express yourself.

Food for Thought- From One Woman to Another

From one woman to another: step back, let it hurt, let it go, and love yourself first. "Girl, you gotta love yourself more than a man"...Only a good friend can say it like that. Be a better friend and listen.

Sometimes a great girlfriend will say things to you that make you want to cry because you know she speaks the truth. Then there are times when an even greater girlfriend will catch the tear before it touches your cheek.

Know who has your best interest at heart and who "hardly" cares.

Three Week Update

It is three weeks into my healthier habits and I must say despite the past weeks birthday celebration I managed to loss 6 pounds. I think I would have lost more had I exercised like I was suppose to. I managed to get some walking done and a few days with the hula hoop, but nothing like I should have. My body still hasn't adjusted to waking at 5:15 a.m. so I haven't been able to rise 10 minutes earlier than that to do my workout in the mornings. The morning workouts are the key because my evenings are jammed packed.

Remember my goal is to lose 2.5-3 pounds a week. So at 6 pounds loss after 3 weeks I am at 2 pounds per week. Not bad, but definitely can be better. The extra pound has to come from me working out. While I won't be hard myself about that, but at least I know where I stand.

I'll check in again in the next 2 weeks with an update. I have about a month to reach my goal. If I stay at this rate it won't be hard. Wish me luck!

It's On

Today was yet another busy and tiring day. Despite the fact that I literally want to pass out from exhaustion, I got so many MANDATORY things done today. I am a procrastinator when it comes to doing certain things. I hate grocery shopping, I hate laundry, and oh yeah, I hate doctors offices. Hence, the reason I had to knock all these to-do items off my list today. Life would be so simple if I did things as they came, instead of letting it all become urgent at once. Anyway, no one is perfect and at least I know my imperfections. That doesn't excuse the fact that they exist, but I am working on it.

Well, I did it. I revamped the fridge in preparation for my work week. Eating healthy is not difficult for me. It is just when I go back to bad habits, I don't know where to start in order to get back on track. Well I started at the start. My problem isn't indulging in goodies, it is picking processed foods for quick eats. We all know processed foods are filled with sodium. preservatives, sugars, dyes, and a lot of non-nutritional things to extend the shelf life. Well since that is my downfall, I stopped it dead in its tracks and loaded up on the good stuff. Take a look below:

I am giving it my all, because I have no other option. Leave me some encouraging tips. Now, it's on!

In His Hands

I need the strength of you to survive....

She remembers saying those words so softly as she tried desperately to feel her feet. What was going to happen to her? Who was going to hold, hug and carry her two year old if she couldn't even pick up a pencil. The nurses showed empathy, but no one could make it stop. The creepy evil in her body made its way up the left side and on to the right before the night would end. The doctors poked and tested with no good news. The best they could say was that it may or may not come back.

WHAT? How is that possible?

A deep prayer was sent above because if life had taught her anything, it was that only God could determine her destination. Life has the tendency to kick us in the ass when we least expect it and this was far from her to-do list, but she knew that God had a plan. A plan much greater than her.

She never dreamed in her young adult life that such devastation would haunt her seemingly sweet life.

Now it's time to fight and pray. Never give up, keep your head held high, and believe the lord will never leave you alone.

Music is such a deep part of my soul. I listened to Fly Like a Bird by Mariah Carey over and over. Sometimes I was speechless when His messages spoke to me. I just never give up. I can't explain the type of fighter that is within all of us. Put your trust in the lord and believe in yourself and all things are possible including, healing, success, happiness, and more.

God has blessed me and each day I try not to forget it. Blessed are those that believe their purpose and will is in His plan. Without much being said, I hope this blog entry encourages someone.

Have you survived? Are you surviving? Is your spirit healing others?
Please share.

to be continued...

Prayer

Is saying a silent prayer for healing. Amen!

Aloe Vera Juice

Aloe vera juice is claims to be a cure all. I recently stop by the health food store and it was recommended that I try aloe vera juice for digestive issues and all over health. I had tried aloe vera juice in the past with failed results, so I was a bit hesitant. At any rate I tried it again. I have been drinking 6- 8 oz of aloe vera juice each morning mixed with juice and I love the result so far. My digestive system is loving it and my skin is glowing. Not to mention I have lost about 7 pounds of store water weight. If you don't know about aloe vera juice then I suggest you research its healing powers and benefits.

Xmas Wish List

On my wish list this year is a clear and full heart.