Learning from Our Past

Trying to erase your past doesn't take away the pain or the mistakes. Many times trying to erase the past only leaves holes, scars, and fragments of memories of what put you there in the first place. I started writing this as a Food for Thought during my lunch hour earlier today and then stopped and decided I would come back to it a little later. Well my Pandora was pumping out some jams during the day and "Faded Pictures" by Case and Joe started to play through my computer speakers. The song took me way back. That song was back during a time when I was going through some very difficult times.  There is one part in the song that always would get me....

"As she turned through the pages, the tears rolled down her face, I could see her reminiscing, why her life have to be this way, As she stopped and she came to a page where her diary ends To smell the scent of an old rose, from her lover I suppose"


It's funny how during those hard times you think you can't make it through, everything seems devastating and some situations seem like you can't escape. It almost feels like you are being punished for a crime you never committed. During this time of my life I was the most innocent, giving, loving, and caring, person anyone could ever meet and I just couldn't understand how my life seemed to be surrounded by hatred.  Despite my smile I was hurting so deeply, but I held it all in. 


As time progressed I grew stronger and more resilent. But it was still hard to look at the past, because I knew how painful it was.  Despite it all, I never once cut up photographs or cut people out of pictures. Instead I put them away.  As recent as last week I was going through pictures and I came across a few that made me smile again. I thought I looked so beautiful, even remembering what I was going through at that time, I still felt so good looking at the old pictures. When I say those were rough times, they were rough times. Looking back on it, I think what made it so bad is that I never shared my pain with anyone. I kept everything inside and managed to deal with my trouble on my own and at my own pace. i don't recomment that to anyone, especially not my younger readers. If you are going through something that you don't feel comfortable talking to your friends about, at the least find a trusted adult to share your troubles. I know that if I would have shared my troubles, someone would have been able to help me.


They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Looking at my picture the only word and outsider would have thought would have been "happy".

I think as we learn from our past and stop trying to erase what has happened, we grow and its no longer painful, it's just YESTERDAY!  So when I heard the song today, the main lyrics that stood out to me were


"Faded pictures in a broken glass, Like a mirror revealing, What the woman is feeling"  

As people we all have things we hold on to, but the past is definitely one of those things that can hinder our future if we don't let go of the hurt and anger that may linger with it. Look in your mirror and see what it reveals or is there some broken glass you want gone? If it still hurts reach out. If you don't have anyone to talk to, you are more than welcome to email me brownmindbeauty@gmail.com 

Simple Calming Skin Cleanser Recipe for Sensitive Skin

I have had some serious skin issues this winter. From severe breakouts (due to product irritation) to wind burn (Thanks Chicago hawk), my skin has suffered. I went to Whole Foods in search of something gentle, because my face literally felt like it was on fire. My skin was rare and dry. I searched in the baby asile for a gentle cleanser with absolutely no luck. The ingredients in the baby products were just as harsh and  unpronounceable, so I passed,  in fear of having another let down.  I grabbed a bottle of Dr. Bronner's Baby Mild Magic Soap and headed towards the skin treatment section in hopes I'd find a magic cream. Still, no such luck.  So I asked a saleswoman. She was great, she suggested I make my own cleanser. I've made things in the past, but never a facial cleanser. So here is the what I suggest for anyone experiencing upset skin. I used aloe because it is naturally calming for scars and burns.

1 teaspoon of Dr. Bonner"s Baby Mild Magic Soap
Our unscented baby contains no fragrance so is great for people who have allergies or sensitive skin. Of course it is great for babies as well. All oils and essential oils are certified organic to the National Organic Standards Program. Packaged in 100% post-consumer recycled plastic bottles.
INGREDIENTS:
Water, Organic Coconut Oil*, Potassium Hydroxide**, Organic Olive Oil*, Organic Hemp Oil, Organic Jojoba Oil, Citric Acid, Tocopherol

2 drops of Skin Gel Ultimate Skin Treatment

The Skin Gel is made from fresh Certified Organic Whole Leaf Aloe Vera Juice. Thickened naturally with seaweed. The formula contains 1% skin nutrients of Vitamin E, A and C combined with herbal extracts of Azulene from Chamomile and Allantoin from Comfrey. The therapeutic value of Skin Gel is unmatched by any other topical Aloe Vera today. The golden yellow color shows the presence of the therapeutic yellow sap used traditionally for healing. Safe for putting on any scrape, wound, bite , burn, acne, stretch marks, scars, damaged hair & scalp, thinning hair, post surgical reconstruction, athletes foot, psoriasis, eczema, itching skin, sunburned and damaged skin, after shave, brushing teeth for gum support, vaginal irritation and baby rash. The Skin Gel is a natural astringent perfect to apply to clean washed skin to tighten and regenerate the cells.

3 drops of Jojoba oil


I wash twice a day with the Aloe and magic soap mixed in the palm of my hand. I wash and rinse my face. I moisturize with a drop of aloe (a little goes a long way) and seal in the moisture with the jojoba oil. I felt immediate relief and saw improvement. My skin no longer burned and the black marks from the wind burn began to leave. I will swear by this easy gentle cleanser until further notice. No, my skin is not flaky from the gel, nor oily from the jojoba oil. In fact my skin is extra soft and my dry/oily combination skin is balanced. Jojoba oil is the best oil you could ever place on your skin because it is the closest oil to your natural skin's oil therefore you are not left looking like an oily mess.

I will be trying a homemade honey mask to clear up the dark marks left from the breakout, that I will share the recipe at a later date along with before and after pictures. I must say I will no longer be trying foundation pressed powders on my face. I believe I am allergic to talc. I can not deal with another breakout like this again.

I hope this helps someone. Try this and let me know what you think.

Later Brownies...

From My Journal of Poetry- "Foolish Me"

Foolish Me

Written 2005

By Janelle Wade

                        

How could I ever believe you were in love?

Physically hurting, emotionally driving me insane

I should have know better than to believe the lies

Never imagined I’d be sitting here in so much pain

Foolish me to trust someone so selfish

I know that you ran to her each night

You should know better than to think I would never find out

Whatever you do in the dark creeps out in the light

Foolish me to believe that you would be true

You got me thinking crazy thoughts

I’m laying here wishing you would never come back

Contemplating what is left for me to do

We haven’t touched in what seems like years

You lay next to me sleeping silently

Thoughts are filled with pain

With eyes filled with tears

Deep down I want to hold you close and never let go

Imagining you kissing her lips and making love to her

Now I’m thinking crazy wishing the worse for you

Foolish me to let you look at me and tell so many lies

The only reason you stay

Loving the magic between my thighs

It hurts to know love has gone

But I have to question if I ever loved you before

I was lying to myself because I didn’t have a choice

I didn’t believe I deserved more

I can’t sleep at night feeling all alone

It’s tearing my heart in little pieces

You leave only to return with an empty kiss

What has us at this point…longing for you is what I miss

To many things happened to soon and too fast

There was no way we were strong enough to last

Yeah, I thought you were the one

Foolish me to let my heart give in

With you there is no way I’ll ever win

There is no contract in love

Everyone is allowed to change

But I keep laying here trying to make you come home

In reality you left me all alone

Foolish me to trust someone so selfish

I know that you ran to her each night

You should know better than to think I would never find out

Whatever you do in the dark creeps out in the light

Finally I can give in and let her take my spot

One day I woke up and now I just can’t care

I didn’t know how foolish I was

So I’m leaving and “I love you” not

It’s not so hard to close the door

Watch as I walk away

On to someone that will love me more

I have to leave you alone

No more lies, no more coming in late

I’m tired of arguing I am done

Please don’t bother calling me on the phone

It’s turned off like my heart

The key you no longer have

Everything in me screamed you were wrong from the start

So I’m leaving and never looking back

With my bags packed and on my way

Sigh of relieve as I look forward to a brighter day

The only one I have now is myself and I

Foolish me because it took me this long to say goodbye

By Janelle Wade

                        

How could I ever believe you were in love?

Physically hurting, emotionally driving me insane

I should have know better than to believe the lies

Never imagined I’d be sitting here in so much pain

Foolish me to trust someone so selfish

I know that you ran to her each night

You should know better than to think I would never find out

Whatever you do in the dark creeps out in the light

Foolish me to believe that you would be true

You got me thinking crazy thoughts

I’m laying here wishing you would never come back

Contemplating what is left for me to do

We haven’t touched in what seems like years

You lay next to me sleeping silently

Thoughts are filled with pain

With eyes filled with tears

Deep down I want to hold you close and never let go

Imagining you kissing her lips and making love to her

Now I’m thinking crazy wishing the worse for you

Foolish me to let you look at me and tell so many lies

The only reason you stay

Loving the magic between my thighs

It hurts to know love has gone

But I have to question if I ever loved you before

I was lying to myself because I didn’t have a choice

I didn’t believe I deserved more

I can’t sleep at night feeling all alone

It’s tearing my heart in little pieces

You leave only to return with an empty kiss

What has us at this point…longing for you is what I miss

To many things happened to soon and too fast

There was no way we were strong enough to last

Yeah, I thought you were the one

Foolish me to let my heart give in

With you there is no way I’ll ever win

There is no contract in love

Everyone is allowed to change

But I keep laying here trying to make you come home

In reality you left me all alone

Foolish me to trust someone so selfish

I know that you ran to her each night

You should know better than to think I would never find out

Whatever you do in the dark creeps out in the light

Finally I can give in and let her take my spot

One day I woke up and now I just can’t care

I didn’t know how foolish I was

So I’m leaving and “I love you” not

It’s not so hard to close the door

Watch as I walk away

On to someone that will love me more

I have to leave you alone

No more lies, no more coming in late

I’m tired of arguing I am done

Please don’t bother calling me on the phone

It’s turned off like my heart

The key you no longer have

Everything in me screamed you were wrong from the start

So I’m leaving and never looking back

With my bags packed and on my way

Sigh of relieve as I look forward to a brighter day

The only one I have now is myself and I

Foolish me because it took me this long to say goodbye

Good Beat Down!!!

It is said that anything worth having is worth fighting for, but if what you're fighting for keeps fighting against you, sometimes it is best emotionally, to throw in the gloves. Call it failure, quitting, losing or what you may. I call it knowing when to walk away before you end up an emotionally beaten mess.

In relationships we often extend ourselves beyond what is psychologically healthy to love another person. What keeps this never winning match of emotional low blows, and spiritual upper cuts going is the inability to realize you can't fight a love battle alone. The other person has to be willing to work just as hard to win and if not, you will just keep hitting the wall.

There is no room for "in- between" in a fight. You either go at with the spirit and hustle to win, or you sit back on the sideline and watch while your mate swings in mid air and LOVE beats them down. Personally my heart can only take so much. I'm a fighter to the end. I am loyal and courageous. For love, I've gone through some of the most difficult times, only to come out and realize I was getting my butt kicked by LOVE while the other person chilled in passive mode.

You know how it left me feeling? Like someone literally stepped on my chest while I was on the ground and spit in my face as LOVE walked away.

You know what I learned? That if a person isn't willing to struggle for themselves or the relationship, it isn't worth it. Now I know my limitation and what I will and will not do for love. I can toss in the towel and be okay with that decision because I'd rather forfeit than keep at something that is continuous hurt. In a loving relationship you are supposed to be a team. At times, one team mate may have to pull more weight, but in the end you should feel victorious together, not defeated and alone.

So you've proven you can stand the worse of times, weather the storm, and love them when they're down, you're a Winner, right?  Maybe and maybe not. Do you know your limits? What's the final punch for you before calling it a TKO?

Food For Thought- Give Me Back My Heart?

Is there a hole in my heart, or does it just feel like something will forever be missing?

Has anyone ever felt this way? A lost love that got a way, a breakup that never healed, the loss of a loved one, etc.  Does your heart ever become whole again? What do you all think?

Introducing Food For Thought Thanksgiving Series

Morning Loves,

I have decided that with the holidays fast approaching and this year is coming to a close, I have so much on my mind. This past year has been a whirlwind of sorts for me. Many highs and some very low lows. I will be bringing you a Food For Thought each day before Thanksgiving. Please chime in and feel free to express yourself.

It's On

Today was yet another busy and tiring day. Despite the fact that I literally want to pass out from exhaustion, I got so many MANDATORY things done today. I am a procrastinator when it comes to doing certain things. I hate grocery shopping, I hate laundry, and oh yeah, I hate doctors offices. Hence, the reason I had to knock all these to-do items off my list today. Life would be so simple if I did things as they came, instead of letting it all become urgent at once. Anyway, no one is perfect and at least I know my imperfections. That doesn't excuse the fact that they exist, but I am working on it.

Well, I did it. I revamped the fridge in preparation for my work week. Eating healthy is not difficult for me. It is just when I go back to bad habits, I don't know where to start in order to get back on track. Well I started at the start. My problem isn't indulging in goodies, it is picking processed foods for quick eats. We all know processed foods are filled with sodium. preservatives, sugars, dyes, and a lot of non-nutritional things to extend the shelf life. Well since that is my downfall, I stopped it dead in its tracks and loaded up on the good stuff. Take a look below:

I am giving it my all, because I have no other option. Leave me some encouraging tips. Now, it's on!

In His Hands

I need the strength of you to survive....

She remembers saying those words so softly as she tried desperately to feel her feet. What was going to happen to her? Who was going to hold, hug and carry her two year old if she couldn't even pick up a pencil. The nurses showed empathy, but no one could make it stop. The creepy evil in her body made its way up the left side and on to the right before the night would end. The doctors poked and tested with no good news. The best they could say was that it may or may not come back.

WHAT? How is that possible?

A deep prayer was sent above because if life had taught her anything, it was that only God could determine her destination. Life has the tendency to kick us in the ass when we least expect it and this was far from her to-do list, but she knew that God had a plan. A plan much greater than her.

She never dreamed in her young adult life that such devastation would haunt her seemingly sweet life.

Now it's time to fight and pray. Never give up, keep your head held high, and believe the lord will never leave you alone.

Music is such a deep part of my soul. I listened to Fly Like a Bird by Mariah Carey over and over. Sometimes I was speechless when His messages spoke to me. I just never give up. I can't explain the type of fighter that is within all of us. Put your trust in the lord and believe in yourself and all things are possible including, healing, success, happiness, and more.

God has blessed me and each day I try not to forget it. Blessed are those that believe their purpose and will is in His plan. Without much being said, I hope this blog entry encourages someone.

Have you survived? Are you surviving? Is your spirit healing others?
Please share.

to be continued...

Letting Go Phase 3 “Finding Yourself”

Finding yourself through pain can be difficult. When we are hurt we internalize the pain and somehow view the person actions as a reflection of who we are. But in reality their behavior is what is wrong and not you as a person.

Children are placed in time out for their bad behavior, but as adults, people tend to believe that their actions don’t deserve punishment. More times than not they even justify their own bad behavior by belittling the other person. Ego, pride, self esteem, etc. all play a key role in how the guilty party reacts in a situation. It is simple to place the blame on the other person rather than admitting and apologizing for their wrong actions.

In a time of hurt and despair it is easy to absorb hurtful words and believe in some way you deserved to be mistreated. Although it is easier said than done, to move pass this stage of letting go, underneath all the pain is the truth. Find who you are and have always been and do not allow anyone to change that. If you are a kind, gentle, and caring person continue to be that person. Society tends to view loving people as weak, but it takes far more strength to be graceful and loving than it does to be cruel and malicious.

Do not worry about what others may think, because in the end you know the truth and that is what has to hold you together in order to move forward.