Sharing

I've been teaching my daughter about sharing for as long as she could understand what it meant to not always have her way or what she wants.  She is no different from any other child, sometimes she gets the concept and sometimes not so much, but overall I think she is a well rounded kid. I don't want her to grow up to be selfish and so far she is far from it.

She has always seen mommy donate items to the Goodwill or give things to friends. There is a Goodwill we visit often, but lately I have been wanting to do more. I've wished for a child that I could just give the items to directly. In the summer a friend of mines found a woman at her church whose daughters were in need of shoes, I immediately raided my daughter's closet and found more than shoes and created a care package and sent it on it's way to find a new home. The woman was very grateful. I love doing things like that, it brings me joy to know that someone is getting good use out of things. Well I decided instead of just dropping off the bags at the Goodwill, we'd do something different this time. Since we don't know anyone to directly call up and give the items to, I decided to reach out to all of.

Over the next month or so my daughter and I will be giving toys, clothes, shoes and books to a little girl in need this year ages 4-6. If you or anyone you know that lives in the Chicago-land area that would like these gently used items please leave me an email atbrownmindbeauty@gmail.com and leave me your information. If I have more than one girl in need I will divide the items evenly.  This is NOT a contest, your request and  information will remain confidential.

What I'm Lovin at the Moment!

What I’m Lovin at the Moment

1. Writing again. Since school is done I now have more time to write. I absolutely LOVE to write and this week I realized it brings joy to my life and calms me when I am nervous, anxious, upset, stressed, etc. 
2. Working Out. Again one of those things I have been using to refocus and keep moving on those down days.
3. Skinny Cow Treats- These are delicious and over excellent portion control. I love em.
4. My curls- I noticed my textured seems to be curlier. Feels like forever since my hair has been in its curly state and the curls are more defined than ever.
5. Love Songs- I was a bridesmaid at a beautiful wedding last month and the bride and groom blessed us with a CD of the songs from their wedding. I must admit I am loving it. 
6. T.V. (The idiot box) I promised myself after school I would devote a few months to T.V. and trashing reading. Hey, I need a break from so many serious issues.

Food for Thought: Oh No She Didn't

I'm diggin in the crate for new ideas. So topic for discussion, what makes a woman knowingly sleep with another woman's husband/boyfriend, or vice versa what makes a man sleep with another man's wife/girlfriend?


I am curious the thought process of the "other" woman/man. I bet some people are shaking their head saying "Oh no she sidn't". "Oh yes I did" (lol). So have at it. 

Partnership??

Hi All,

I have been a ridiculously busy person this year. I have to apologize to all my subscribers about a thousand and one times, but things happen. Life changes and honestly some things are certainly out of our control. But you go on and you grow. You adjust to new surroundings and you're grateful for all that you have.

But now back to business.

Lately I've been contemplating what makes you change to be a better mate. Is it the love you have for your significant other? Is the fear of not being good enough? Is it the desire to ultimately want to be a better person?

One perspective is that as we mature, our tastes, desires, priorities, and motivations mature as well. What once found important is no longer as significant. I was speaking to a friend earlier this week about the concept of "marriage". Lately I've seen people my age and younger get married and quickly divorce in less than 3 years. Seriously??? Is that what marriage is about? So a married friend that has been married for over 15 years talked to me about the trials and tribulations of "I DO". Now this friend is 30-something so they married very young. I've watch couples that were married "until death" and others that threw in the towel because the guy wasn't making the right dollars. Now I know some unthinkable things can happen in relationships, but to what extent are (you both) willing to work?

Since I have never been married, I can not speak on the topic of marriage, but I thought it was a great topic to bring discussion. I want to hear your thoughts on the subject. The one thing I can say is that over time I have taken off my "innocent eyes" and learned that to honestly LOVE someone, you have to truly except all imperfections and be willing to compromise, share, encourage and forgive. Back when men were allowed to be a man and women were their supporters family structures remained in tact. I think as women sometimes it can be easily overlooked that men are still gentle creatures and need our attention and pampering as much as we need them. I know that we fall in and out of love with each other and if we don't have that friendship and support to continue on, it will be difficult to fall back in love when the flame burns out. There is nothing wrong with saying you need your partner, isn't the purpose of marriage  to share forever with the one person you never want to lose?

Thoughts anyone?

Food For Thought- Where Have You Been?

"Sometimes its okay to get wrapped up in ourselves"...that's where I've been and I am learning a lot, I will share very soon. We need time to reflect on love, loss, success, failure, and maturity. I have met some inspiring people in the course of this past year. I have more than enough to share with my readers. Stay tuned.

Food for Thought- Love Don't Grow on Trees

"Love just doesn't grow on tree"...

We've all heard the saying "money doesn't grow on trees". That statement is usually said when someone is spending unnecessarily or wanting for things without thinking about the expense. The same is true for love. There is not an endless supply of love, if you are NOT taking care of the love you have. You have to invest in love, relationships, and people if you want to get a return.

Now, I am not saying that you should go invest in things that you know will crash, however I am implying that if you have something you want to see grow, be mindful of how you treat it, or you may just wake up broke.
.

Food For Thought- He Listens

Love is when he listens during an argument and never walks away until you are no longer upset. Its a one in a million trait, that most people don't possess. Do you know anyone that cares enough to hear your thoughts and concerns despite it all?

Blog Neglect and Too Much Stress

Sorry I have been slacking on the blog post as of lately. This year came in a little overwhelming and I have been under a lot of stress. (Nothing I can't handle) Too say the least I need a hug. That sounds so funny, but its true one time my co-worker gave me a hug for absolutely no reason and immediately I felt better. I love hugs. Over the shoulder hugs, tight waist hugs, little hand hugs, any type. LOL. Seriously, I must send my apologies for not writing. I have so much on my mind that I want to share, but we will take it one topic at a time. I am hoping I can get back to writing shortly.

Sometimes stressing puts everything over the top and the smallest things under a microscope. Your heart beats a little faster, you feel a little tougher, you feel a little weaker, a little smarter, a little less smart, a little emotional, a little less emotional, overall you feel every damn emotion you've ever felt, or at least it seems that way. Randomly thinking, I feel better when I let it out. I am off to get some much needed sleep. If you are a blogger and think I may be interested in reading your work. Please leave your link in my comments, I am always up for a good read.  Good night brownies!

Are You Making a New Year's Resolution?

Wow, this year was a world wind for me. I have cried my eyes red and laughed my heart inside out. Last year I didn't make an actual resolution, because I know those always seem to fail. I did however, make a promise to myself. This is what I wrote on the blog last year 2009:

What are you doing this New Year's Eve?

This New Year's Eve I will be quietly celebrating and thanking God for helping me through a tough year. But looking back on things I accomplished more than a little this year and anxiously await whats to come with wide eyes. (Those that know me, know I always have a story to tell, LOL). Let's see what chapter I will write next year.

My wish for the New Year is simple. I want to embrace my future full force. The start of a New Year brings about a breath of fresh air, a chance to revive the aspects of your life you once thought passed on.

I wish you all a safe and happy 2010. May the new year bring answers to questions, light where there was hope, love where there was hate, and joy where there was pain.

The ending of last year was out right miserable for me. I was trying to get over a breakup, and pretending it didn't hurt. The truth was that I was literally dying inside. I spent months beating myself up and wondering what I did wrong, and what I needed to change. I fought the tears, because I just didn't want to acknowledge the hurt. But time passed and I forgave myself. 2010 started to look brighter. A friend pointed out that my smile returned. Not just my photo smile, but the happiness and radiance from my heart began to shine through once again. Now that I've conquered 2010, its on for 2011. I have never been more excited about starting a new year than now. I can feel deep down inside great things about to happen around me. I have goals set for myself and dreams that will play out. I am sure there will be obstacles, but nothing I am not prepared to face. 

I wish for myself the following (these are not resolutions because I am working at them now):

1. Continuing to honor my morals and beliefs despite how others may view me
2. Always wanting to be a better mother, daughter, sister, and friend
3. Devoting more time with my family
4. Continuing to share my love with others, despite past hurts and disappointments 
5. Not letting anyone change my heart and good intentions
6. Blocking out negativeness from all sources
7. Finishing grad school with at least a 3.7 G.P.A
8. Getting 2 steps closer to financial independence
9. Devoting more time to my writings
10. Exercising patience for things that are worth the wait
11. Exhaling nonsense that causes unnecessary hurt
12. Mingling with other fellow bloggers (feel free to leave your link or email)
13. Attend at least one blog or writers conference in 2011
14. Take a mini vacation
15. Make myself a pair of earrings (so important to me)

Life has been good to me. I have some horror stories to tell, but I wouldn't change those experience because they molded me into the strong woman that I am. I can spot some ish a mile away. As much as I say I'm not gonna tolerate nonsense, people continue to cross me. It isn't much for me to filter it and keep moving.

I am proud of my daughter and wish her continued love and blessings. Our family and friends continue to keep us close. I pray my family continues to grow closer and happier, I am loving my new found relationships with each of you.

To my small circle of friends, you all are still here despite it all. May I watch my girlfriends get married and start their families, may new babies that bless our lives be raised with all our hearts, may I continue to lean on you for your unbiased opinions, may you continue to share your highs and lows with me. We will cry together in happiness and sadness, and smile so bright in 2011. Family and friends, I love you all.

Someone wrote a list of achievable goals for me back in July and unknowingly to them, I view them monthly as a reminder. I think it was one of the most productive conversations I've had. If you take one piece of advice from me in 2010, it will be to write a list of 3 things you want to achieve in your life, that list made such a difference on attainable goals.

To my devoted followers and readers, I wish you all happiness and success in 2011. Let's keep our lines of communication open. Add me on Facebook, or email me at brownmindbeauty@gmail.com if you need advice, inspiration, or just want to talk. I love conversation and I love you guys. Each time I get a comment or new follower, my world lights up. I never imagined my words would mean so much to people. The other day a Facebook friend encouraged me to keep up the good work, because it inspires her. WOW, I love it.

From my family to yours, have a safe and Happy New Year!

From My Journal of Poetry- "Foolish Me"

Foolish Me

Written 2005

By Janelle Wade

                        

How could I ever believe you were in love?

Physically hurting, emotionally driving me insane

I should have know better than to believe the lies

Never imagined I’d be sitting here in so much pain

Foolish me to trust someone so selfish

I know that you ran to her each night

You should know better than to think I would never find out

Whatever you do in the dark creeps out in the light

Foolish me to believe that you would be true

You got me thinking crazy thoughts

I’m laying here wishing you would never come back

Contemplating what is left for me to do

We haven’t touched in what seems like years

You lay next to me sleeping silently

Thoughts are filled with pain

With eyes filled with tears

Deep down I want to hold you close and never let go

Imagining you kissing her lips and making love to her

Now I’m thinking crazy wishing the worse for you

Foolish me to let you look at me and tell so many lies

The only reason you stay

Loving the magic between my thighs

It hurts to know love has gone

But I have to question if I ever loved you before

I was lying to myself because I didn’t have a choice

I didn’t believe I deserved more

I can’t sleep at night feeling all alone

It’s tearing my heart in little pieces

You leave only to return with an empty kiss

What has us at this point…longing for you is what I miss

To many things happened to soon and too fast

There was no way we were strong enough to last

Yeah, I thought you were the one

Foolish me to let my heart give in

With you there is no way I’ll ever win

There is no contract in love

Everyone is allowed to change

But I keep laying here trying to make you come home

In reality you left me all alone

Foolish me to trust someone so selfish

I know that you ran to her each night

You should know better than to think I would never find out

Whatever you do in the dark creeps out in the light

Finally I can give in and let her take my spot

One day I woke up and now I just can’t care

I didn’t know how foolish I was

So I’m leaving and “I love you” not

It’s not so hard to close the door

Watch as I walk away

On to someone that will love me more

I have to leave you alone

No more lies, no more coming in late

I’m tired of arguing I am done

Please don’t bother calling me on the phone

It’s turned off like my heart

The key you no longer have

Everything in me screamed you were wrong from the start

So I’m leaving and never looking back

With my bags packed and on my way

Sigh of relieve as I look forward to a brighter day

The only one I have now is myself and I

Foolish me because it took me this long to say goodbye

By Janelle Wade

                        

How could I ever believe you were in love?

Physically hurting, emotionally driving me insane

I should have know better than to believe the lies

Never imagined I’d be sitting here in so much pain

Foolish me to trust someone so selfish

I know that you ran to her each night

You should know better than to think I would never find out

Whatever you do in the dark creeps out in the light

Foolish me to believe that you would be true

You got me thinking crazy thoughts

I’m laying here wishing you would never come back

Contemplating what is left for me to do

We haven’t touched in what seems like years

You lay next to me sleeping silently

Thoughts are filled with pain

With eyes filled with tears

Deep down I want to hold you close and never let go

Imagining you kissing her lips and making love to her

Now I’m thinking crazy wishing the worse for you

Foolish me to let you look at me and tell so many lies

The only reason you stay

Loving the magic between my thighs

It hurts to know love has gone

But I have to question if I ever loved you before

I was lying to myself because I didn’t have a choice

I didn’t believe I deserved more

I can’t sleep at night feeling all alone

It’s tearing my heart in little pieces

You leave only to return with an empty kiss

What has us at this point…longing for you is what I miss

To many things happened to soon and too fast

There was no way we were strong enough to last

Yeah, I thought you were the one

Foolish me to let my heart give in

With you there is no way I’ll ever win

There is no contract in love

Everyone is allowed to change

But I keep laying here trying to make you come home

In reality you left me all alone

Foolish me to trust someone so selfish

I know that you ran to her each night

You should know better than to think I would never find out

Whatever you do in the dark creeps out in the light

Finally I can give in and let her take my spot

One day I woke up and now I just can’t care

I didn’t know how foolish I was

So I’m leaving and “I love you” not

It’s not so hard to close the door

Watch as I walk away

On to someone that will love me more

I have to leave you alone

No more lies, no more coming in late

I’m tired of arguing I am done

Please don’t bother calling me on the phone

It’s turned off like my heart

The key you no longer have

Everything in me screamed you were wrong from the start

So I’m leaving and never looking back

With my bags packed and on my way

Sigh of relieve as I look forward to a brighter day

The only one I have now is myself and I

Foolish me because it took me this long to say goodbye

How Will You Be Remembered?

We all want to leave a mark in this world. Some people are remembered for their courage and ability to stand up for what is right such as the great Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.. Others are talented beyond words and leave the world wanting more long after they are gone as we see with the legendary Michael Jackson.

People tell me that I tend to absorb the problems of others and try to help in situations that are deemed "helpless". For that reason, I use to question my ability to go the extra mile and console a friend or help a loved one regardless of how many times they were in need. Those around me could not understand my compassion and accepting nature to bring in a friend that once turned their back on me, but now required a shoulder. I questioned my own sanity in some cases,but I knew I was right in my willingness to forgive.

There has always been something deep inside that speaks to me. The comforting whispers in my heart, tell me that God has sent that person to me. In the will of doing right in the eyes of God, I help, I comfort, I console. I do what I'm told. I worry no more how others view my nature to nurture, I just do!

So I sit and ponder. How do I want to be remembered?

When someone speaks of my life after I am long gone, I want to be remembered as the woman that smiled for absolutely no reason at all and joked to make an uncomfortable situation easier. But most importantly I want to be remembered as the woman that took away a problem from someone, absorbed the hurt of another, and through her heart loved glowed.

How will you be remembered?

Good Beat Down!!!

It is said that anything worth having is worth fighting for, but if what you're fighting for keeps fighting against you, sometimes it is best emotionally, to throw in the gloves. Call it failure, quitting, losing or what you may. I call it knowing when to walk away before you end up an emotionally beaten mess.

In relationships we often extend ourselves beyond what is psychologically healthy to love another person. What keeps this never winning match of emotional low blows, and spiritual upper cuts going is the inability to realize you can't fight a love battle alone. The other person has to be willing to work just as hard to win and if not, you will just keep hitting the wall.

There is no room for "in- between" in a fight. You either go at with the spirit and hustle to win, or you sit back on the sideline and watch while your mate swings in mid air and LOVE beats them down. Personally my heart can only take so much. I'm a fighter to the end. I am loyal and courageous. For love, I've gone through some of the most difficult times, only to come out and realize I was getting my butt kicked by LOVE while the other person chilled in passive mode.

You know how it left me feeling? Like someone literally stepped on my chest while I was on the ground and spit in my face as LOVE walked away.

You know what I learned? That if a person isn't willing to struggle for themselves or the relationship, it isn't worth it. Now I know my limitation and what I will and will not do for love. I can toss in the towel and be okay with that decision because I'd rather forfeit than keep at something that is continuous hurt. In a loving relationship you are supposed to be a team. At times, one team mate may have to pull more weight, but in the end you should feel victorious together, not defeated and alone.

So you've proven you can stand the worse of times, weather the storm, and love them when they're down, you're a Winner, right?  Maybe and maybe not. Do you know your limits? What's the final punch for you before calling it a TKO?

Food For Thought- Why I'm Thankful

Happy Thanksgiving!
This Food for Thought closes my Thanksgiving Series. I hope you all had a chance to reflect within yourself and see some of the random things I reflect on.

Last Thanksgiving was a rough time for me, I was going through a terrible heartbreak and the pain felt never ending. The rain tonight reminded me of how I felt and after a moment of sadness, it didn't take much for me to realize why I am thankful.

I am thankful because:

1. My family members are all safe (I love them all, no matter what)
2. I have the best child a mother could ask for.
3. I am in good health and sound mind
4. My friends are wonderful (they guide me through everything, without them I'd break)
5. I am employed (too many people are without)
6. I have a warm place to call home
7. I know who I am
8. I can touch people through my words
9. My heart healed
10. I am loved!

What are some  things you are thankful to have experienced, learned, overcome, shared, or hold dear to you?

Happy Thanksgiving!

Food For Thought- Where Did That Come From?

Defense mode keeps us safe. Sometimes we block out so much that we don't realize that what we're blocking has already gotten in. Anger, love, jealous, lust, etc. can ease through the tiniest crack of a well constructed wall.

For a moment, notice your reactions to certain situations. Our reactions or lack thereof can possibly indicate more about ourselves than we'd care to know. Emotions both good and bad can sometimes leave us asking, "Where did that come from"?

Food For Thought- We All Need

I hate it when people tell me they don't worry about me. They say they always know that I will be okay, no matter what. Granted I appreciate that people know my strengths, but despite my outer shell, I'm very soft on the inside. As much as I worry about others, it would be nice to know someone had the same concern for me.

Just because a person can hold their own, doesn't mean they don't need a shoulder. Look to the friend you always turn to during your troubles and ask if she/he needs anything. You may be surprised.

Food for Thought- It's Not Suppose to Hurt

A man that loves you won't tear out your heart only to say he loves you.

Stop Spying

I find it interesting that when I was a compromising and forgiving woman, unsolicited advice about "How Not to be a Doormat" was handed out: "Girl, don't let that man walk all over you", or "A man will only do what you allow", these phrases and many more were screamed to the top of the "bitter woman hill" by so many people. "Cheerleaders" as I like to call them, had advice for just about everything. "Girl please, you are a good one" or my favorite "I wish I would....". You wish you would what? I always wanted to ask, but didn't, because I knew I would get the "sista girl neck roll" followed by a bunch of bull-ish.

Now the role is reversed many of these same women are either miserably married, or desperately seeking the acceptance of a man to make her his "wifey". I laugh now because the mistakes I made in my 20s I watch as people my age and older make and then some. Since I don't have the patience nor the time to raise a grown man, to be just that "A grown man" I cut those issues short. Now my forgiveness is earned and compromise goes both ways. But I find the advice I hear in discussion with my female counterpart is "well at least he is trying", or "most men wouldn't even bother". Oh really? Is that right? How is that your neck stopped rolling when you "fell in love" with "less than Mr.Perfect"?

The difference isn't that their man is any better or necessarily worse than the ones from the past, it's just that now they've suddenly fallen off the high horse and can't follow their own advice. Sometimes advice given isn't even worth tuning in. People secretly whisper and spy in on your life anticipating how they would act in every given situation. However, when they are no longer watching and have the starring role it suddenly becomes different. Women for some reason feel the need to play devils advocate on everyone's life but their own. The truth is, you never know how you will act in a situation until you are placed in that situation. I am sure some will argue that point because we all know our limits. But we also know there can be a thin line on compromise and when that line is crossed or even stepped on, our decision making can sometimes be swayed, especially if it is something or someone you truly desire.

Good thing for me, I have always been my own woman. I don't listen to what others have to say about people. I make my own judgments and follow my own mind. If you have people judging you or your lifestyle it may be time to step back and see how many eyes are spying on you. A watchful eye is usually beheld by someone or something plotting it's next move. Don't let people change the person that you are, if you are happy when you look in the mirror. Some people are better left playing "inspector gadget" or "secret agent" in their own lives and not others.

Get what I'm saying?

Food for Thought- Baby I Deserve

You deserve to be with someone that doesn't have to hope and cross his fingers that one day he'll  possibly, maybe, probably fall in love with you.

Food For Thought- Give Me Back My Heart?

Is there a hole in my heart, or does it just feel like something will forever be missing?

Has anyone ever felt this way? A lost love that got a way, a breakup that never healed, the loss of a loved one, etc.  Does your heart ever become whole again? What do you all think?

Introducing Food For Thought Thanksgiving Series

Morning Loves,

I have decided that with the holidays fast approaching and this year is coming to a close, I have so much on my mind. This past year has been a whirlwind of sorts for me. Many highs and some very low lows. I will be bringing you a Food For Thought each day before Thanksgiving. Please chime in and feel free to express yourself.