Food For Thought- Where Did That Come From?

Defense mode keeps us safe. Sometimes we block out so much that we don't realize that what we're blocking has already gotten in. Anger, love, jealous, lust, etc. can ease through the tiniest crack of a well constructed wall.

For a moment, notice your reactions to certain situations. Our reactions or lack thereof can possibly indicate more about ourselves than we'd care to know. Emotions both good and bad can sometimes leave us asking, "Where did that come from"?

I Can't Sing A Note: But I've Been Singing My Heart Out

“Woman I beg your forgiveness

And I'll do whatever it takes

And may the Lord be my witness

Honey I never meant to treat you this way

Sugar your heart has been broken

But I could still see true love shine in your eyes

When every word has been spoken

Woman I'll love you for the rest of my life” -

By Kem - Universal Motown Records (2010) 

I absolutely love this song. I think I listen to it about 20 times a day. It is clearly an “I messed up, take me back” song. But the last few times I heard it, I listened to it from a different perspective. I started singing the song to myself. I mean looking in the mirror singing out loud with all my heart singing. Suddenly the words meant so much more. I started feeling like I was singing the “I messed up, give me another chance” directly to me.

Okay, you are probably thinking what is this girl talking about?? The song just got me to thinking about how bad a person feels when they are in a painful relationship with someone and all the emotional hurt they go through. Well I have been down that dark road and when I stepped back I just look and say, “it wasn’t worth it”. I must have been foolish to ever treat myself so wrong. Loving someone that doesn’t love back, giving your all and then your left feeling empty. You temporarily lose yourself. Well no more, it’s time for me. So I just sing to myself: “I’ll never hurt you again Girl I, I know you deserve a better man, Girl IIIIIIIIIII, I was a fool to ever let you down”

Oh a serious note, you really do let yourself down when you don’t allow happiness to outweigh the rough times. Though there is pain and heartache, I am still a believer in true love. One day I will have stars in my eyes again. So again, I’ll never allow myself to hurt like that again.

I know, this is a weird way to listen to a song, but the words carry a strong meaning to me and I interpret things differently. Most people would envision a man singing it to a woman, but trying singing it to YOU and hear the meaning behind the words. We can hurt ourselves more than any individual and just like we forgive others, we also must forgive ourselves. I hope you can find a different meaning in the songs you love. God knows I can't sing, but I've been singing my heart out. What can I say, it makes me happy!

When Things Don't Sync

I had to wait, only to be told to come back and no, twice today.

Today was rather disappointing, I went from feeling happy in the sky to completely blue in about one hour this evening. I hate getting excited only to later be let down. I guess for now I just have to wait it out, not much I can do here. I really wish that all my joys didn't have to be taken on the same day. But I guess it was better to have the bandage ripped right off than slowly peeled away.

Disappointment is the reason I like to have all my ducks lined up in a row, before I get my hopes up about ANYTHING. I'll get over it, I always do. Disappointment is an emotion that I can control very easily by letting it go.

On the brighter side I Aced both my summer courses. Looks like I'll be getting that perfume I promised myself. I love how I can shower myself with congratulation gifts. Its nice to take care of me. I deserve a toy with these classes (research methods and health policy), not to mention I did well above the class average, so my sleepless nights were well worth it.

I was recently advised to write down my goals. I know what you're thinking, "who doesn't know to write down goals Janelle"?? This time the idea was framed to me in a more frank manner. Believe it or not, it was some great advice and a good talk. I always claim an A in my course at the start of the class and midterm I choose a gift to get myself. Fall quarter is approaching and it "biology of public health", I am definitely going to make my treat a good one this time. So much for feeling the blues, there is always a good thought brewing inside.


On that note, do you treat yourself to anything nice for an accomplishment or meeting a goal?

Goodnight