Let's Last Forever

The documentary was excellent, it showcased black love and black marriages from a positive prospective. I saw this movie last year at a discussion group and a question was raised. "What comes first, love or marriage?" At the time I was one of about three single people in the room. Most people there were married, so I listened closely. I learned a lot that night and even more with the year to come. Many couples in the room spoke highly to the fact that the marriage came before the love. Couples married for decades and newlyweds all agreed and shared stories of how the marriage had to come first or there was no survival for the relationship because overtime love changes.

I've recently been thinking alot about the changes relationships go through. Withstanding the test of time. financial burdens, infidelities, miscarriages, infertilites, illnesses, deaths, and so many other obstacles. I think that the same way as God has to send your partner for marriage, you have to be prepared to be married.

I am old fashioned when it comes to love, I always have been. I've been told I was made to be a wife, but yet I am not married, reason is because it is not my time yet. I never dreamed about a wedding day or planned it in my head like most little girls, it just wasn't my thing to do. As hard as I love, I've only been in love once and that says a lot, because I think I get misunderstood often.

As the years have passed I've found so many areas within myself that have made me a better woman. A whole woman. When I marry I want to give ALL I am to my husband, be ALL that I am and take it back to the old school days when men and women lasted forever.  Back in the day love endured, families stayed entacted.  Now a days people get married today and divorced in two years. Even worse people marry for all the wrong reasons. No one seems happy. I don't want that.  One of the elderly women in the documentary spoke about being married to husband and then he passed away. I want that type of love. Until death do us part.

My parents lasted forever...I want that kinda love.

Partnership??

Hi All,

I have been a ridiculously busy person this year. I have to apologize to all my subscribers about a thousand and one times, but things happen. Life changes and honestly some things are certainly out of our control. But you go on and you grow. You adjust to new surroundings and you're grateful for all that you have.

But now back to business.

Lately I've been contemplating what makes you change to be a better mate. Is it the love you have for your significant other? Is the fear of not being good enough? Is it the desire to ultimately want to be a better person?

One perspective is that as we mature, our tastes, desires, priorities, and motivations mature as well. What once found important is no longer as significant. I was speaking to a friend earlier this week about the concept of "marriage". Lately I've seen people my age and younger get married and quickly divorce in less than 3 years. Seriously??? Is that what marriage is about? So a married friend that has been married for over 15 years talked to me about the trials and tribulations of "I DO". Now this friend is 30-something so they married very young. I've watch couples that were married "until death" and others that threw in the towel because the guy wasn't making the right dollars. Now I know some unthinkable things can happen in relationships, but to what extent are (you both) willing to work?

Since I have never been married, I can not speak on the topic of marriage, but I thought it was a great topic to bring discussion. I want to hear your thoughts on the subject. The one thing I can say is that over time I have taken off my "innocent eyes" and learned that to honestly LOVE someone, you have to truly except all imperfections and be willing to compromise, share, encourage and forgive. Back when men were allowed to be a man and women were their supporters family structures remained in tact. I think as women sometimes it can be easily overlooked that men are still gentle creatures and need our attention and pampering as much as we need them. I know that we fall in and out of love with each other and if we don't have that friendship and support to continue on, it will be difficult to fall back in love when the flame burns out. There is nothing wrong with saying you need your partner, isn't the purpose of marriage  to share forever with the one person you never want to lose?

Thoughts anyone?

Food for Thought- If It Don't Fit, Don't Force It

Would you settle for a relationship or a marriage if all it provided you was a chance to not be alone?

I think too many times women settle to say "I do", for the sake of doing what society says is right.  I'd rather be happy and single, than with someone and miserable. I probably self reflect more than the average person, but I also think I am at a point of knowing what is that I want and not being willing to accept anything less.

Life is to be enjoyed.

Is there a misconception to what should be expected in considering a life partner? I no longer believe that men are commitment phobic to the extent I once did. My attitude is "if it don't fit, don't force it and keep it moving". I'd rather feel partially full alone temporarily, if it meant I would not have to feel empty forever.