Are You Making a New Year's Resolution?

Wow, this year was a world wind for me. I have cried my eyes red and laughed my heart inside out. Last year I didn't make an actual resolution, because I know those always seem to fail. I did however, make a promise to myself. This is what I wrote on the blog last year 2009:

What are you doing this New Year's Eve?

This New Year's Eve I will be quietly celebrating and thanking God for helping me through a tough year. But looking back on things I accomplished more than a little this year and anxiously await whats to come with wide eyes. (Those that know me, know I always have a story to tell, LOL). Let's see what chapter I will write next year.

My wish for the New Year is simple. I want to embrace my future full force. The start of a New Year brings about a breath of fresh air, a chance to revive the aspects of your life you once thought passed on.

I wish you all a safe and happy 2010. May the new year bring answers to questions, light where there was hope, love where there was hate, and joy where there was pain.

The ending of last year was out right miserable for me. I was trying to get over a breakup, and pretending it didn't hurt. The truth was that I was literally dying inside. I spent months beating myself up and wondering what I did wrong, and what I needed to change. I fought the tears, because I just didn't want to acknowledge the hurt. But time passed and I forgave myself. 2010 started to look brighter. A friend pointed out that my smile returned. Not just my photo smile, but the happiness and radiance from my heart began to shine through once again. Now that I've conquered 2010, its on for 2011. I have never been more excited about starting a new year than now. I can feel deep down inside great things about to happen around me. I have goals set for myself and dreams that will play out. I am sure there will be obstacles, but nothing I am not prepared to face. 

I wish for myself the following (these are not resolutions because I am working at them now):

1. Continuing to honor my morals and beliefs despite how others may view me
2. Always wanting to be a better mother, daughter, sister, and friend
3. Devoting more time with my family
4. Continuing to share my love with others, despite past hurts and disappointments 
5. Not letting anyone change my heart and good intentions
6. Blocking out negativeness from all sources
7. Finishing grad school with at least a 3.7 G.P.A
8. Getting 2 steps closer to financial independence
9. Devoting more time to my writings
10. Exercising patience for things that are worth the wait
11. Exhaling nonsense that causes unnecessary hurt
12. Mingling with other fellow bloggers (feel free to leave your link or email)
13. Attend at least one blog or writers conference in 2011
14. Take a mini vacation
15. Make myself a pair of earrings (so important to me)

Life has been good to me. I have some horror stories to tell, but I wouldn't change those experience because they molded me into the strong woman that I am. I can spot some ish a mile away. As much as I say I'm not gonna tolerate nonsense, people continue to cross me. It isn't much for me to filter it and keep moving.

I am proud of my daughter and wish her continued love and blessings. Our family and friends continue to keep us close. I pray my family continues to grow closer and happier, I am loving my new found relationships with each of you.

To my small circle of friends, you all are still here despite it all. May I watch my girlfriends get married and start their families, may new babies that bless our lives be raised with all our hearts, may I continue to lean on you for your unbiased opinions, may you continue to share your highs and lows with me. We will cry together in happiness and sadness, and smile so bright in 2011. Family and friends, I love you all.

Someone wrote a list of achievable goals for me back in July and unknowingly to them, I view them monthly as a reminder. I think it was one of the most productive conversations I've had. If you take one piece of advice from me in 2010, it will be to write a list of 3 things you want to achieve in your life, that list made such a difference on attainable goals.

To my devoted followers and readers, I wish you all happiness and success in 2011. Let's keep our lines of communication open. Add me on Facebook, or email me at brownmindbeauty@gmail.com if you need advice, inspiration, or just want to talk. I love conversation and I love you guys. Each time I get a comment or new follower, my world lights up. I never imagined my words would mean so much to people. The other day a Facebook friend encouraged me to keep up the good work, because it inspires her. WOW, I love it.

From my family to yours, have a safe and Happy New Year!

Looking Back! New Year, New Giveaway!

 2010 has been a world wind for me. Several highs and some low lows, but overall it has been a good year. There were some things that kept me going and some things that tried to stop me dead in my track. I laughed and cried very hard this year. But now it must come to an end.

I am a lover of jewelry and for my 2nd and last giveway of 2010, I wanted to do something special. One lucky winner will win the necklace and jewelry set below. (Two pictures to show the detailing, but only one set will be given away).

The rules are as follows:

The rules are simple. Each comment should be written underneath this blog post describing how you entered. There are several ways to increase your chances of winning.

1. You must be a follower of Mind of a Brown Skin Beauty (Mandatory Entry)
2. You must comment below this post something you are going to change or keep for the new year  (1 entry)
3. Subscribe via email and confirm your email address (3 entries)
4. Share this blog post giveaway with someone on Facebook, Blogger, Twitter, email, etc.(Please leave your facebook, twitter, link to the blog post under the comment section , 2 entries)
5. Like my Facebook page "Mind of a Brown Skin Beauty" (3 entries)
6. Follow me on Twitter @brownmindbeauty

Enter as many times as you like to increase your odd. A winner will be selected at random using random.org

The contest will begin on 12/21/10 at 12 a.m CST and will end on 1/9/11 at 10 p.m. CST. The winner will be randomly selected through a computerized process and will be announced on 1/12/11.  Please visit the blog at that time for the name of the winner. The winner will be given instructions on how to claim their prize, a valid email address is required. If the prize is not claimed within 7 days a new winner will be selected and so forth until the prize is claimed. All products are brand new, never opened or used and are the sole responsibility of the winner. Directions for product use should be followed according to the company's instructions.

Good Luck to everyone!

It's Crunch Time

Hi All,

I haven't had a chance to bring you anything new and exciting. I am in finals for the next two weeks, then on to Christmas break. This is definitely crunch time for me. Those that have been following me from the start know that I am in my second year of Grad school. Currently my class is fairly easy, but I have a team research project due next week! So I have to focus. I will see you all very soon! Happy Wednesday and welcome to my new followers. 

From My Journal of Poetry- "Foolish Me"

Foolish Me

Written 2005

By Janelle Wade

                        

How could I ever believe you were in love?

Physically hurting, emotionally driving me insane

I should have know better than to believe the lies

Never imagined I’d be sitting here in so much pain

Foolish me to trust someone so selfish

I know that you ran to her each night

You should know better than to think I would never find out

Whatever you do in the dark creeps out in the light

Foolish me to believe that you would be true

You got me thinking crazy thoughts

I’m laying here wishing you would never come back

Contemplating what is left for me to do

We haven’t touched in what seems like years

You lay next to me sleeping silently

Thoughts are filled with pain

With eyes filled with tears

Deep down I want to hold you close and never let go

Imagining you kissing her lips and making love to her

Now I’m thinking crazy wishing the worse for you

Foolish me to let you look at me and tell so many lies

The only reason you stay

Loving the magic between my thighs

It hurts to know love has gone

But I have to question if I ever loved you before

I was lying to myself because I didn’t have a choice

I didn’t believe I deserved more

I can’t sleep at night feeling all alone

It’s tearing my heart in little pieces

You leave only to return with an empty kiss

What has us at this point…longing for you is what I miss

To many things happened to soon and too fast

There was no way we were strong enough to last

Yeah, I thought you were the one

Foolish me to let my heart give in

With you there is no way I’ll ever win

There is no contract in love

Everyone is allowed to change

But I keep laying here trying to make you come home

In reality you left me all alone

Foolish me to trust someone so selfish

I know that you ran to her each night

You should know better than to think I would never find out

Whatever you do in the dark creeps out in the light

Finally I can give in and let her take my spot

One day I woke up and now I just can’t care

I didn’t know how foolish I was

So I’m leaving and “I love you” not

It’s not so hard to close the door

Watch as I walk away

On to someone that will love me more

I have to leave you alone

No more lies, no more coming in late

I’m tired of arguing I am done

Please don’t bother calling me on the phone

It’s turned off like my heart

The key you no longer have

Everything in me screamed you were wrong from the start

So I’m leaving and never looking back

With my bags packed and on my way

Sigh of relieve as I look forward to a brighter day

The only one I have now is myself and I

Foolish me because it took me this long to say goodbye

By Janelle Wade

                        

How could I ever believe you were in love?

Physically hurting, emotionally driving me insane

I should have know better than to believe the lies

Never imagined I’d be sitting here in so much pain

Foolish me to trust someone so selfish

I know that you ran to her each night

You should know better than to think I would never find out

Whatever you do in the dark creeps out in the light

Foolish me to believe that you would be true

You got me thinking crazy thoughts

I’m laying here wishing you would never come back

Contemplating what is left for me to do

We haven’t touched in what seems like years

You lay next to me sleeping silently

Thoughts are filled with pain

With eyes filled with tears

Deep down I want to hold you close and never let go

Imagining you kissing her lips and making love to her

Now I’m thinking crazy wishing the worse for you

Foolish me to let you look at me and tell so many lies

The only reason you stay

Loving the magic between my thighs

It hurts to know love has gone

But I have to question if I ever loved you before

I was lying to myself because I didn’t have a choice

I didn’t believe I deserved more

I can’t sleep at night feeling all alone

It’s tearing my heart in little pieces

You leave only to return with an empty kiss

What has us at this point…longing for you is what I miss

To many things happened to soon and too fast

There was no way we were strong enough to last

Yeah, I thought you were the one

Foolish me to let my heart give in

With you there is no way I’ll ever win

There is no contract in love

Everyone is allowed to change

But I keep laying here trying to make you come home

In reality you left me all alone

Foolish me to trust someone so selfish

I know that you ran to her each night

You should know better than to think I would never find out

Whatever you do in the dark creeps out in the light

Finally I can give in and let her take my spot

One day I woke up and now I just can’t care

I didn’t know how foolish I was

So I’m leaving and “I love you” not

It’s not so hard to close the door

Watch as I walk away

On to someone that will love me more

I have to leave you alone

No more lies, no more coming in late

I’m tired of arguing I am done

Please don’t bother calling me on the phone

It’s turned off like my heart

The key you no longer have

Everything in me screamed you were wrong from the start

So I’m leaving and never looking back

With my bags packed and on my way

Sigh of relieve as I look forward to a brighter day

The only one I have now is myself and I

Foolish me because it took me this long to say goodbye

How Will You Be Remembered?

We all want to leave a mark in this world. Some people are remembered for their courage and ability to stand up for what is right such as the great Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.. Others are talented beyond words and leave the world wanting more long after they are gone as we see with the legendary Michael Jackson.

People tell me that I tend to absorb the problems of others and try to help in situations that are deemed "helpless". For that reason, I use to question my ability to go the extra mile and console a friend or help a loved one regardless of how many times they were in need. Those around me could not understand my compassion and accepting nature to bring in a friend that once turned their back on me, but now required a shoulder. I questioned my own sanity in some cases,but I knew I was right in my willingness to forgive.

There has always been something deep inside that speaks to me. The comforting whispers in my heart, tell me that God has sent that person to me. In the will of doing right in the eyes of God, I help, I comfort, I console. I do what I'm told. I worry no more how others view my nature to nurture, I just do!

So I sit and ponder. How do I want to be remembered?

When someone speaks of my life after I am long gone, I want to be remembered as the woman that smiled for absolutely no reason at all and joked to make an uncomfortable situation easier. But most importantly I want to be remembered as the woman that took away a problem from someone, absorbed the hurt of another, and through her heart loved glowed.

How will you be remembered?

Good Beat Down!!!

It is said that anything worth having is worth fighting for, but if what you're fighting for keeps fighting against you, sometimes it is best emotionally, to throw in the gloves. Call it failure, quitting, losing or what you may. I call it knowing when to walk away before you end up an emotionally beaten mess.

In relationships we often extend ourselves beyond what is psychologically healthy to love another person. What keeps this never winning match of emotional low blows, and spiritual upper cuts going is the inability to realize you can't fight a love battle alone. The other person has to be willing to work just as hard to win and if not, you will just keep hitting the wall.

There is no room for "in- between" in a fight. You either go at with the spirit and hustle to win, or you sit back on the sideline and watch while your mate swings in mid air and LOVE beats them down. Personally my heart can only take so much. I'm a fighter to the end. I am loyal and courageous. For love, I've gone through some of the most difficult times, only to come out and realize I was getting my butt kicked by LOVE while the other person chilled in passive mode.

You know how it left me feeling? Like someone literally stepped on my chest while I was on the ground and spit in my face as LOVE walked away.

You know what I learned? That if a person isn't willing to struggle for themselves or the relationship, it isn't worth it. Now I know my limitation and what I will and will not do for love. I can toss in the towel and be okay with that decision because I'd rather forfeit than keep at something that is continuous hurt. In a loving relationship you are supposed to be a team. At times, one team mate may have to pull more weight, but in the end you should feel victorious together, not defeated and alone.

So you've proven you can stand the worse of times, weather the storm, and love them when they're down, you're a Winner, right?  Maybe and maybe not. Do you know your limits? What's the final punch for you before calling it a TKO?

World AIDS Day

It is reported that since June of 1981 an estimate 1.7 million people in the United States have been infected with HIV and more than 580,000 have died. There are several social and cultural aspects within society that must be addressed in order to increase prevention and early detection (CDC, 2009).

One main concern is racial/ ethnic disparities, in communities of color there is a need to increase programs for more education and prevention. It is also important that once a person becomes aware of their status they are provided with the proper counseling, testing and prevention services. Studies have shown that once a person becomes aware of a positive HIV status they are likely to decrease risk behavior and reduce transmission (Holtgrave et al, 2007).

Another way to increase prevention would be to provide people who are currently living with HIV the proper the care and treatment. Because there are so many Americans currently living with this disease funding needs to continue to be put forth towards programs that provide towards helping them maintain a normal lifestyle. Recent studies show that programs that are effective at improving the lifespan of a person living with HIV and earning less than 250% of the federal poverty level should be an entitlement because it could possibly reduce infection at the individual level (Holtgrave et al, 2007). Programs of this nature could definitely benefit single mothers.

Other prevention methods include breaking down barriers of the stigma associated with the disease. Many people still believe that it is a disease only for people that are drug users or homosexual and that people that become infected have lead a lifestyle to deserve them of this horrible disease. There still needs to be a public broadcast of education worldwide that ANYONE can spread and contract this disease until this is realized it will not be prevented.